


Peel Off My Layers (I'm Just Me)

by dapperyklutz



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Family, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Domestic Avengers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Protective Avengers, Slow Burn, Team as Family, The Team needs to understand Tony more, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony just wants to be loved and accepted, Worried Steve Rogers, character study - sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-06-10 10:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15289632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapperyklutz/pseuds/dapperyklutz
Summary: "Physically, I’m fine,” Tony repeats. “But I’m not okay here. Something’s missing. Something… important.”“But your arc reactor’s there,” Clint points out.“Tony,” Bruce interjects in a gentle voice. “Can you describe to me what’s missing? Clint is right, your arc reactor is there.”“I don’t know. I just know something important’s missing, and it hurts. Bruce, how can it hurt when I’ve never had it to begin with?”—Thing is, Tony has so much love to give. But he doesn’t know how to do it right. But he knows that when he meets the right person — orpeople— he loves wholly, in every sense of the word. Sadly, he's so used to giving people what they want, to acting a certain way because they expect him to, that he’s forgotten what it’s like to be stripped bare of all the defenses he’s put up over the years. He wonders what it'd be like to have his defenses peeled off like an onion, layer by layer, each revealing a part of Anthony Edward Stark no other human being has been privy to.What would it be like, then? To have people think the best of him instead of the worst? To love and care about him in the same degree he does about them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been posting a lot of fluff recently, and I wanted to write something different this time. Hence, this.
> 
> It's an idea I've been toying with for a couple of days now, so please bear with me. I have a rough outline in my head, which I should probably write down now oops, and I'm estimating that this will take less than 10 chapters. Hopefully not more than 5. *fingers crossed*
> 
> Unbeta'd. Let's get on with the show now. Enjoy reading!

The thing about Tony Stark is that he’s not a complicated person. He’s _complex_ , and there’s a huge difference between the two. It’s true that he hides behind a mask 95% of the time, only lowering his defenses when he’s around the people he trusts most in the world. Which isn’t much, to be honest. He has Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, JARVIS, and his bots.

But even then, his defenses aren’t completely lowered because, well, the few times he allowed himself to be totally vulnerable to people he cared about, he ended up having daddy issues before he hit puberty while one literally pulled the arc reactor from his chest.

So yeah.

Tony’s not really a complicated person. He just _makes_ himself appear complicated. God, if he weren’t a genius, he probably would’ve ended up as an actor. Hell, he’d most likely have won a shit ton of awards by now — he’s _that_ good of an actor.

The point is, he’s spent most of his life keeping people at a distance and projecting a persona that he’s carefully perfected over the years that he’s forgotten how it felt to truly connect to someone. To wholly trust someone and to have his defenses lowered _completely_ around them, and — sadly — to allow himself to bond with his peers. To truly be happy and content, it’s something he’s been craving for for most of his life.

He didn’t get that growing up. Howard was either locked up in his workshop, or preoccupied holding out searches for Captain America, or too drunk to even remember he had a fucking kid. And Maria was a textbook mother, only present when she was needed or felt obligated to be there for Tony, but mostly left the responsibilities a mother should shoulder to their hired help. So Tony grew up being raised by Jarvis, the human butler he named after his AI. He doesn’t resent him for that, _at all_ , rather Tony absolutely adored him to bits. It broke Tony’s heart when Jarvis died a few years after he was named CEO of Stark Industries, and there were days when he wished he exerted more effort in being there for the man who loved him and raised him when he needed him the most.

Tony admits (if only to himself) that he is a lot less emotionally intelligent than he wants to be, but he’s _trying_ , damn it. He’s trying and that should count for something.

Right?

Then the Chitauri Invasion of 2012 happened. That’s when The Avengers first banded together to help defeat Loki and the aliens. Not long after that, his relationship with Pepper ended after she watched him fly a nuke up through a worm hole from the TV screen. That act of self-sacrifice he pulled was the last proverbial straw that broke Pepper’s back, and Tony wasn’t the least bit surprised when she broke up with him. True, he was hurt, and he went on a week-long bender after that, but see, the thing is that Pepper _knows_ him. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the in-between. Their friendship was built with a strong foundation, regardless of the rocky beginning at the start of their working relationship. Pepper’s _Pepper_ , if that makes sense, and Tony knew then that they were still going to be okay. Still, he loved her so much and it fucking hurt, but it’s all water under the bridge.

And besides, Pepper made the right choice. After all, they’re okay now — hell, more than okay, they’re fucking great — and somehow their friendship only seemed to solidify after their failed relationship. Pretty crazy how life works like that, huh?

Anyway, back to The Avengers.

So Tony’s been trying his goddamned best in reaching out to his fellow teammates, trying to connect and bond with them, or however the fuck normal people say it. He’s even invited them to live in his Tower after he’s done re-constructing the damages done to it, to which the two assassins, a nuclear physicist, a super soldier, and a Norse god accepted. Now, a year and half a later, the engineer’s relationship with his teammates hasn’t grown or developed into how he wants — or even expects — it to be.

Which, to be honest, is just fucking sad.

It’s one thing to start with an open mind and actively get to know someone, regardless of their backgrounds or the red on their ledger, and another thing to have a preconceived notion about someone and expect them to act the way you expect them to.

Now, Tony is perfectly aware of his flaws; he’s loud and larger than life, arrogant, doesn’t know how to be part of a team (that’s still a work-in-progress, and even he knows he’s marginally improved in that department), presumptuous, self-absorbed, and a laundry list of issues that could go on and on. Despite that, what _really_ gets him all riled up and defensive, especially when it comes to the same people he’s been living with for almost two years, and who are _supposed_ to be his fellow comrades, is when they misinterpret Tony’s genuineness for, well, whatever the fuck it is that goes on in their heads. Nothing good, obviously.

All Tony wants is to _belong_ , and to _be_ part of a family. For a brief moment, he really thought that he found it in The Avengers. A group of broken people who, for some unknown reason, clicked when they first saved the world together, and decided to live under the same roof. Yeah, he has Pepper and Happy and Rhodey and his bots. He’s their family, too, and Tony loves them all so fucking much. But at the same time, Tony can’t help but be aware of the void in his chest. A void that he’s felt since he was a kid, since Howard destroyed the first prototype he created at age three, since Maria absentmindedly patted his head after he went to her for comfort following a nightmare. It’s an emptiness he’s learned to live with and ignore, but Tony knows it’s just waiting to be filled by something. Or someone. Or _several_ someones.

The thing is, Tony has so much love to give. But he doesn’t know how the fuck to do it and how to do it right. He has a poor judge of character, yes, but he also knows that when he meets the right person — or in this case, _people_ — he loves wholly, in every sense of the word.

But sadly, Tony’s so used to giving people what they want, to acting a certain way because they expect him to, that he’s forgotten what it’s like to be stripped bare of all the defenses he’s put up over the years. He’s forgotten what it’s like to truly connect with someone — to be open, to be honest.

That’s all Tony wants, really. And in the distant part of his overactive mind, he wonders what it would be like to have his defenses peeled off like an onion, layer by layer, each revealing a part of Anthony Edward Stark no other human being has been privy to. That also includes Pepper and Rhodey, the two people who knows him the best among the rest.

What would it be like, then? Tony supposes it would be liberating, but at the same time daunting. Still, he wonders what it would be like to have people think the best of him instead of the worst? To love and care about him in the same degree he loves and care about them?

Hmm, that’s some food for thought.

Unbeknownst to him, Tony didn’t realize that much sooner than later, it would become a reality.

* * *

“Is he breathing?”

“I don’t know.”

“Fuck.”

“Take off his suit. Use the override codes if you have to.”

“Okay, on it.”

“Thor, do the lullaby on Hulk, please. We need Bruce for this.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Clint, contact Fury and have a medical team sent to our coordinates.”

“Already done, Cap. Fury said their ETA is four minutes.”

“Okay. Could be quicker, but okay. Thanks. Nat?”

“Hang on, Steve. Stark’s suit is a lot more complicated than you think.”

“Who hit him, anyway?”

“It wasn’t a who, it was a _what_.”

“Then what was it? The weapon they were using?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“You _think_ so?”

“Hey! There were several things going on at the same time, so forgive me if I didn’t have both of my eyes focused on Stark as I was a bit preoccupied not getting stabbed in the gut.”

“…”

“…”

A heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. I just —”

“It’s okay, Steve.”

“No, it’s not. That was unprofessional of me. I —”

“Screw professionalism, Steve. You can be all Captain Righteous to Fury and the general public for all we care, but that front won’t work with us.”

“Yeah, what she said. We know you, Cap. You’re guilty that you didn’t watch Stark’s six more, but it’s not your fault.”

“I was _right next to him_ , Clint! Of course it’s my fault —”

“Steve, we know you’re worried. We are, too, but you’re panicking and that isn’t going to help —”

“None of you were there! That weapon released some sort of blue light, and it hit Tony right in the chest — _where his arc reactor is_ , mind you — and he was surrounded in the same blue light before he dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. So excuse me if I _am_ panicking because Tony could be dead inside that suit for all we know!”

“He’s not dead, Steve.”

“How would you know?!”

“Because I’ve taken off his suit and he’s breathing. It’s labored and shallow, though, so he probably has a few broken ribs.”

“Oh, thank God.”

“…”

“…”

“Thank God that he’s _breathing_.”

“Yeah, we sorta got that.”

“…”

“Where’s the med team?”

“ETA two minutes.”

“Damn it.”

“Have you secured the weapon that hit Stark?”

“Yeah, it’s right here. But I want Bruce to check it out first before we release it to SHIELD.”

“Speaking of Bruce…”

A loud exhale of relief.

“About damn time.”

* * *

It takes three days for Tony to wake up, and when he does, Steve and the rest of the team are encircled around the engineer’s bed in his room in med bay at the Tower.

Following the attack of an unknown species of alien from another dimension that even Thor doesn’t know the existence of (“I believe they traveled to Earth by accident,” the Asgardian prince said after the battle was won. “They most likely did not mean any harm, however the hostile reception they received said otherwise.”). If Steve were to describe what they looked like, he would say that they looked a cross between the _Na’vi_ from Avatar and the _Uruk-Hai_ from Lord of the Rings. A very odd combination, but it’s the closest that Steve can compare it to with his limited knowledge of pop culture.

“Tony?” Steve quietly calls out so he doesn’t startle him, a gentle hand resting on his blanket-covered knee.

Tony’s still blinking to get the sleep out of his eyes as he carefully sits up in bed. Bruce, who’s closest to him, doesn’t hesitate to reach out to assist the engineer before lifting the pillows a little higher to accommodate his back.

“What —” Tony starts, and he grimaces at the raspiness in his voice. Natasha, who’s standing nearest the bedside table, quickly fills up a glass with ice-cold water and hands it to Tony who gladly accepts it. “Thank you,” he mumbles quietly.

Steve blinks, and when he looks around he sees the same astonishment he feels mirrored on the others’ faces.

Tony Stark doesn’t normally thank people. When he does, it’s usually said with sarcasm or in an offhanded manner. So what the hell was that?

“Tony?” Steve repeats once Tony has drained his glass and hands it with a timid smile at Natasha. Alarm bells start to ring in Steve’s head when he sees the smile, and he ignores Natasha’s baffled expression to focus solely on Tony. The engineer turns his head to meet his eyes, and it’s through sheer force of will that Steve doesn’t recoil at the _emotions_ swirling in Tony’s rich brown eyes.

“Yes, Steve?” Tony answers calmly. His voice, usually laced with sarcasm or cleverness, is now filled with… nothing. Well, _not_ nothing, but it’s too… calm. Too serene, and Steve’s starting to panic because _that’s not how Tony speaks_.

“How are you feeling?” Steve forces himself to say the words, internally sighing with relief that his own voice doesn’t end up wobbling, or worse.

“Yeah, you took quite a hit there, Stark,” Clint quips, trying to alleviate the sudden tension in the room. “For a second there, we thought you were a goner.”

This is the part where Tony makes a witty remark or calls Clint another variation of his codename, but Tony doesn’t rise to the bait. He doesn’t even smirk or roll his eyes. He just sits there and _stares_ at them with an expression that’s bordering between fondness and sorrow, and something twinges in Steve’s chest because he’s _never_ witnessed Tony be this expressive before. Ever.

It takes a few more moments of tense silence before Tony graces them with a reply.

The engineer’s tone is even, but laced with an emotion that Steve can’t discern, when he says, “I’m fine, physically.”

It’s Bruce’s turn to speak up, the physicist’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean by that, Tony?”

Tony opens and closes his mouth. His eyes narrow in thought as he stares aimlessly at somewhere over Steve’s shoulder for a few seconds before he tilts his head to meet Bruce’s concerned eyes.

“It’s like I said. Physically, I’m fine,” Tony repeats. Then he raises a hand to his chest, right where his arc reactor is, and he adds in a softer tone, “But I’m not okay here. Something’s missing. Something… important.”

Steve’s eyes are wide as he looks up from Tony to meet Natasha’s and Thor’s equally alarmed looks.

What the hell?

What is going on?

“But your arc reactor’s there,” Clint points out in confusion.

“Tony,” Bruce interjects in a gentle voice, and the engineer averts his eyes from the others’ alarmed looks to the physicist’s forced calm demeanor. “Can you describe to me what’s missing? Clint is right, your arc reactor is there.”

Tony’s forlorn look is replaced by a puzzled one as his grip on the arc reactor tightens and he shakes his head.

“I don’t know. I just know something important’s missing, and it hurts. Bruce, how can it hurt when I’ve never had it to begin with?”

Bruce doesn’t have an answer to that, and when the bespectacled man only shakes his head with a muttered “I don’t know, Tony”, he looks up to meet the rest of the team’s frightened expressions.

Tony’s eyes are downcast, brows furrowed in thought as his hand now gently massages the arc reactor and the skin around it.

 _This is bad_ , Steve thinks, a heavy weight settling in the pit of his stomach. _This is really bad_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap. I was _not_ expecting that reception! Thank you all _so much_ for your incredible feedback. I honestly feel quite overwhelmed. Seeing as I'm making this up as I go along (like, around 65% this time, I'm doing a bit more research now haha), I'm very excited to go on this journey with you!
> 
> I hope you like this chapter. More Tony and Team Bonding to come in the succeeding chapters.
> 
> Unbeta'd. Enjoy!

“What the hell was that?”

“Was that Tony or a doppelgänger?”

“Aye. Even I admit that that was mildly disturbing.”

“ _Disturbing_?” Clint exclaims with an incredulous look aimed at the Norse god. “Thor, ‘disturbing’ is you eating a minimum of two boxes of pop tarts a day. A _day_! What happened just now was, was — it was more than disturbing, okay!”

“Alright, alright, settle down,” Steve interrupts in a loud voice before anyone can answer Clint.

After giving Tony painkillers for his still tender ribs, and then leaving the room to allow the engineer to rest, the rest of the team congregates to the communal living room, where they finally chose to verbalize their thoughts of what they just witnessed earlier. To say that Steve was concerned about the sudden turn of events in regards to one genius billionaire would be an understatement. _Worried_ sounds too light, and _troubled_ isn’t the correct word he would describe to what he’s feeling right now, either.

To recap, Steve recalls the moment when Tony got hit by an alien weapon (which Bruce is currently scanning using some updated tech that he and Tony developed, as far as the super soldier knew), when his whole suit of armor was surrounded by a blue light that lasted for about five seconds before the light disappeared and the engineer dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. The fact that Tony wasn’t propelled backwards upon impact when he was shot could probably mean that it was a deliberate hit.

Steve could be wrong, but there’s a (slight) chance that his hunch could also be right.

By this point, he knows he’s grappling for answers to what may be the reason for his teammate’s current frame of mind, and Steve hopes against hope that Bruce will have a more concrete answer to their current predicament soon.

When everyone’s settled down on the couches, Steve gestures for Bruce to take the floor. The physicist nods at him once before he begins.

“Okay, so I know we’re all a bit freaked out at what just happened,” he says. Clint snorts and Steve shoots the archer a look, the latter having the grace to look sheepish. Bruce clears his throat before he continues. “And JARVIS is still busy doing scans on the weapon that hit Tony. It’s going to take another couple of hours before it’s complete. At this point, I’m afraid I can’t give you guys good enough answers to your questions.”

Natasha’s eyes are narrowed in contemplation as she asks, “So what _can_ you tell us then, Bruce? Pretty sure you’ve come up with a few hypotheses by now.”

The physicist looks hesitantly at them, and when the silence stretches on, Steve eventually says, “Bruce, it’s better than nothing. And even if you end up wrong, at least we’d all have an idea of what to look out for.”

“Yes, Dr. Banner,” Thor agrees solemnly. “I would rather be aware of Anthony’s status and be prepared to come to his aid than to remain ignorant of our friend’s plight.”

With a heavy sigh, Bruce nods his head after several moments and then removes his glasses to rub his eyes. It’s only once he’s worn his spectacles again that he starts to speak, and Steve doesn’t miss to hear the doubt laced in his weary voice.

“When we brought Tony back here, I had JARVIS do a full scan on him. Just as a precautionary measure,” he hastily adds when he spots Steve’s alarmed look. “It’s not that I don’t think SHIELD’s doctors are incompetent, but I do know that if I were in Tony’s position, he would do the same for me. So I had JARVIS scan him, and when I was given the results, I was… a bit unsettled at what I found.”

“What was it?” Natasha asks cautiously, eyebrows furrowed.

Steve’s leaning forward in his seat, elbows resting on his knees as he listens attentively to Bruce’s narration. He belatedly notices that the others are in almost the same position as he is, though Clint is perched on the arm of the armchair that Natasha’s occupying.

Bruce is frowning slightly, eyes faraway in thought, as he says. “It’s funny because — aside from his bruised ribs, Tony’s actually okay. Well, obviously, it’s going to take a few weeks until he’s completely healed. But aside from that, he _is_ okay. _Physically_. And what unsettles me is that part of the results I got from JARVIS revealed that Tony’s… I mean, I admit, at first I thought it was just a glitch — that it didn’t make sense _at all_. But now? After witnessing _that_ Tony not fifteen minutes ago? I don’t think it’s a glitch in the system anymore.”

“What glitch? What are you talking about?” Clint inquires with a befuddled expression.

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” Steve adds with a deep frown.

Bruce sighs heavily once more, and it’s in the slight slump in his shoulders that the heavy weight in Steve’s stomach presses further uncomfortably.

“Remember when Tony mentioned about something missing in his chest? Something important, but he doesn’t know what?” When everyone carefully nods their head, Bruce continues. “Well, some of the results reveal that Tony’s heat signature is very unusual. It shows that he’s nearly 2 degrees colder than a human being’s normal temperature. But when I checked his vitals, they came out perfectly normal. Steve,” Bruce adds, looking at Steve imploringly and not giving them the chance to react to his words. “You mentioned before that you saw a blue light hit Tony and surround him, right?”

Steve nods mutely, his throat too dry to utter a word.

 _Oh, god,_ Steve’s jaw is hanging open in shock, and from his peripheral vision he sees Thor and Clint doing the same while Natasha’s lips are pursed into a thin line.

“Bruce, what —” he starts but the physicist carries on.

“I’m guessing that that same light is the cause of what’s happening to Tony right now. It’s like what he said earlier — physically, he’s alright. But ‘something’ is missing, and we don’t know _yet_ what that ‘something’ could be. Frankly speaking, I don’t think we possess the right equipment to deal with this. I’ll be able to give you better answers once the scan is complete. All I can say is that we all have to be prepared for what’s coming next because even I’m not sure about the extent of the damage that weapon has done to Tony.”

“I concur,” Thor agrees, a frown on his face as he digests Bruce’s words. “Those creatures are not from the Nine Realms, and I must return to Asgard to consult with the Allfather about this. Something tells me that magic could also be involved. However, I shall remain first to observe Anthony and see if his condition will improve or not before I leave.”

“That sounds like a good plan, Thor,” Steve acknowledges with a grateful nod towards the Asgardian prince. Turning to Bruce, the super soldier adds, “But Bruce, that still doesn’t explain Tony’s behavior earlier. He was… not exactly himself. I mean, that couldn’t have been him, though. Right?”

“I don’t know about that, Steve,” Natasha interjects, doubt in her tone.

Before the super soldier can answer, Bruce swiftly cuts in. “I think that that _was_ Tony, Steve.”

If possible, Steve’s frown deepens. “But — but he… Tony was a lot more —”

“What — tolerable? Approachable? _Human_?” Bruce interrupts with a pointed look. Steve blinks and he flushes slightly at the mild accusation in the physicist’s tone. Bruce sighs again and then shakes his head. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. It’s just that sometimes, Steve, you forget that there’s more to a person than the persona they project, and Tony’s a prime example of that. He has more layers than an onion and has walls of defense higher than the Great Wall. We’re well aware that the two of you don’t really get along and aren’t the best of friends, but come _on_. At least, maybe, give him the benefit of the doubt?”

There’s a tightening in his chest when Bruce casually points out that he and Tony don’t get along, and in that moment Steve wishes that that weren’t true. It’s a well-known fact that he and Tony argue more than they agree, but in the past year and a half that they’ve been living under the same roof as the rest of the Avengers, Steve can freely admit that his relationship with the genius-billionaire has improved, if only marginally, and not in the way he would’ve liked nor expected.

They still disagree on a lot of things, mostly about work and how the team should operate, but less now on the inconsequential things, like who’s turn it is to wash the dishes. Hell, there were a few instances than Steve can recollect where he and Tony shared an almost amicable conversation over a meal or whenever they end up working out together at the state-of-the-art gym. Plus, there were also the team building activities that they would all participate in every week to help boost the team’s morale and strengthen their bond. Movie Nights are a weekly thing now, and they’ve recently introduced Game Nights into their routine as well.

Still, regardless of those factors that make up a semblance of their day-to-day life in the Tower, Steve can’t help but be ashamed that he hasn’t really actively (or genuinely, for that matter) taken the initiative to _get to know_ Tony more. God, what would his mother say or do now if she sees Steve not minding his manners to Tony? Especially when the man has been nothing but a gracious and incredibly generous host to them after all this time.

Well, shit.

Steve’s a horrible person and he _seriously_ has a lot to make up for.

If only he can know _where_ to start and how.

In the end, he swallows inaudibly and nods his head with an apologetic look aimed at Bruce. Silence reigns after that, and it’s after a minute or two that Clint decides to break it.

“So what’s the plan?” the archer inquires, looking around each member with an uncertain look. “What do we do next?”

The others turn towards Steve for guidance, and the blond man blinks at them before he resolutely straightens his shoulders.

“Bruce is right. We should give Tony the benefit of the doubt,” he says in his Captain America voice. “As of now, there’s nothing else we can do except to be there for Tony when he needs us. And he _is_ going to need us, regardless of whether he says it or not. Like what Bruce mentioned earlier, we don’t know the extent of the damage the weapon has done to Tony, and until we get answers or a cure, I want each and every one of us to show his or her support in Tony’s road to recovery.”

“I suggest house arrest,” Natasha pipes up. When they turn to stare at her with mirroring looks of shock, the redhead sighs and explains, “Imagine the Tony we just witnessed dealing with the general public. People will wonder what the hell happened to him, especially when he doesn’t make his trademark sarcastic and witty comebacks. It’s for his protection.”

Bruce hums in agreement. “Nat has a point. I can’t imagine _this_ Tony dealing with the press, let alone the paparazzi, in his current condition. It’s for the best that he remains here in the Tower until we get more answers _or_ find a cure.”

Clint and Thor nod in agreement.

“Okay, that’s decided, then,” Steve also nods. He exhales loudly before he runs a hand through his short blond locks. “Meeting adjourned. Let’s all get some rest now.”

They all get up from their seats and amble towards the elevator. The lights in the common area shut off one by one as they all shuffle together inside the shaft. They bid each other ‘good night’ as they got off on their designated floor until it’s Steve who’s the last person to step out of the elevator.

Once he’s inside his room, the super soldier quickly strips down until he’s naked before he climbs into his bed and gets under the covers. Lying on his back with his arms raised and hands curled under his head, Steve sighs heavily and then stares aimlessly at the dark ceiling as he goes over the events that occurred that evening.

“JARVIS,” Steve quietly calls out.

“Yes, Captain?” the AI responds just as quietly.

“How’s Tony?” he asks, voice almost a whisper.

Thankfully, and unsurprisingly, JARVIS still hears his query.

“Sir is currently asleep. Do you want me to alert you if he wakes up, Captain?”

Steve bites his lower lip in contemplation.

“Yes, please. Just in case,” he eventually answers after a few moments.

“Of course, sir. I have now programmed your alarm to wake you up should Sir need assistance.”

“Thank you,” Steve utters gratefully, and for the first time since Tony woke up almost two hours ago, he feels the tightening in his chest start to uncoil. The pressing weight is still there, but not as profound compared to earlier, and at least he’s breathing a little better now. Several minutes pass before Steve turns on his side, and he curls into a ball as he softly utters, “Good night, JARVIS.”

“Sleep well, Captain.”

The image of Tony’s melancholy expression from earlier is the last thing that Steve sees before he falls into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Brick by brick, they crumble down in slow motion.

Layer by layer, they unhurriedly peel off of him like skin.

It’s painless but numbing, and it’s a sensation he hasn’t felt before —

No. That’s a lie. He’s felt that way before. A long, long time ago. In a galaxy far away —

Wait, that’s Star Wars.

_What the fuck is going on?_

Whiskey-colored eyes suddenly open wide, but he’s greeted with darkness. Turning his head left and right, then up, his body goes along with the movement in a sluggish motion. Still, there’s nothing — and all he’s greeted with is darkness.

He looks down at his feet — he can’t even _see_ what the hell he’s wearing, but based on the texture of the cloth he’s guessing it’s his suit’s under armor. Then, he notices that he’s barefoot, which is weird, because he _swears_ he was wearing thick black socks earlier — and _where the hell is my suit?_ He’s discombobulated by his surroundings (is that the correct term? Oh, well). Still, he’s not able to make out the ground he’s standing on, _if_ that’s even what’s supporting him upright.

Lifting his head to stare ahead of him once more, Tony opens his mouth to speak — to say anything, even if it’s a meaningless “hello?” — but he finds out that no voice emits from his throat.

Startled, he chokes back a scream, and even when he’s coughing, he doesn’t make a sound. Instead, he feels a pulse start to reverberate around him, and Tony scrunches his face in confusion when the faint rhythmic throbbing continues. It sounds — for the lack of a better term — , akin to the thumping of a heartbeat. But that can’t be, it’s highly improbable for it to happen. Then again, the engineer doesn’t even have a damn clue of his current whereabouts, and the pitch-black void encompassing him is incredibly concerning.

Next, Tony lifts and waves his arms to see if he can move the rest of his body, and then his feet and legs, and he’s flooded with relief when his limbs and joints move without struggle, albeit a little sluggishly.

 _Where am I?_ Tony wonders to himself. _And how the hell did I end up here in the first place?_

In fact, _where is here?_ is a better question.

He takes a tentative step forward, only realizing that the “ground” beneath him is warm to the touch. Taking a few more steps ahead, he flexes his toes next to get a feel of the texture of the floor, and he’s mildly surprised to find out that it’s similar to a tartan track.

Still at a loss of how he ended up where he’s currently at, and still unable to see what’s ahead of him, Tony decides to continue walking. He does so at a slow pace, sometimes extending his arms out to balance himself when he starts to get dizzy due to the lack of light, feeling like he’s about to topple over and fall on his ass.

He doesn’t dare himself to look back, unwilling to find out who or what may be behind him.

Tony swallows inaudibly, his heart thumping a staccato rhythm against his ribcage. He lets out a long, slow breath and then raises a hand to his chest.

Only, this action causes him to suddenly stop in his tracks as he lets his hand skim over his chest for several moments longer. The tendrils of panic begin to creep up his spine when he doesn’t feel his arc reactor.

How the fuck did he miss that the first time?

 _Fuck_ , Tony mouths. _What the fuck?_

In that same instant, the hairs at the back of his neck and arms start to raise as a sudden chill sweeps over him, and it’s in that moment that something registers in him.

The faint rhythmic pulse has stopped, and Tony next senses a presence behind him.

He’s being followed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a few days late. But hey, a longer chapter - yay! Thanks for the comments, kudos, and bookmarks!
> 
> Unbeta'd. Enjoy reading!

It takes another two days before Tony’s released from medical. Fortunately, it so happened that Steve and the rest of the team (minus Bruce who was with Tony down in med bay) were in the communal kitchen for brunch, so when the two scientists arrive at the common area, Steve doesn’t hesitate to gesture them over to join them at the dining table.

Natasha shoots the super soldier a pointed look, and Steve instantly read that as _’don’t act like an eager puppy, or else you’ll look desperate or fake’_ , to which he responds with a small wince.

“Good morning, Anthony!” Thor greets with a genuine smile on his face. “How are you today?”

Tony, who’s uncharacteristically approaching the table with slow, almost timid steps, blinks owlishly at him.

“Morning,” the engineer says with a small smile at the Asgardian prince. “I’m fine. Thanks, Thor.”

“Bet you were sick and tired of that place, Stark,” Clint quips with a teasing grin. “I know I would have.”

Tony frowns slightly at the archer, and he replies with an uneasy, “It was fine.”

Steve almost — _almost_ — chokes on the huge bite of French toast he’s chewing when he hears how uncertain and vulnerable Tony sounded just then. He casually roams his eyes over the table and shares a look with Natasha and Clint, the two assassins (subtly) looking as tense as Steve is feeling.

 _Here goes nothing_ , he tells himself with steely determination.

Once Bruce and Tony are seated — the former settling beside Steve and the latter taking the vacant one opposite him — they start to pile up their plates with the food Natasha and Steve prepared. The super soldier keenly observes Tony carefully spoon oatmeal onto his bowl, how he hesitates for a fraction of a second before he picks up the container of maple syrup and pouring a significant portion into his oatmeal. From the corner of his eye, Steve notices Bruce wince at the amount of maple syrup Tony just poured, but his focus shifts to Tony’s again when the engineer added almonds and a few berries onto the bowl before he starts to mix them together at a slow pace.

The silence stretches on, the rhythmic sound of utensils hitting against their plates loud in the spacious area. It got to the point where Steve was starting to get fidgety and sees that the others are feeling the same way as well.

Except Tony, though. He looks like he’s in a world of his own, his brown eyes lost in thought as he almost absentmindedly spoons oatmeal into his mouth every thirty seconds or so.

The silence then becomes more strained as the minutes ticked by, and that’s when Steve finally decides to break it.

“So, Tony,” he starts conversationally. He waits until Tony is pulled from his thoughts and looks up to meet Steve’s eyes, an eyebrow quirking up in a silent question. Steve feels the corners of his lips slightly tug upwards into a smile because _that’s_ the most _Tony_ the man has ever been since he woke up a few days ago. He lightly clears his throat and continues, “Do you, uh, remember anything that happened before you got — before your accident? I — we — that is to say, have been wondering since then. We didn’t want to bombard you with those questions when you woke up, so I hope it’s okay if we ask you now?”

Tony takes his time chewing his food and only answers the antsy super soldier once he’s swallowed.

“It’s fine, Steve,” Tony replies with a half-hearted shrug. For a brief moment, Steve catches sight of a shadow that passes over his face, but it was gone in the blink of an eye and the super soldier doesn’t manage to pinpoint what emotion that was. “But I don’t really remember much. All I can recall was that I saw a blue light headed towards me, and then it hit me. I must’ve passed out because the next thing I know, I was waking up in med bay.”

“That’s it?” Clint asks shrewdly. “You didn’t feel anything when you got hit?”

Tony hesitates for a second, but he eventually utters, “I guess. My chest did hurt from the impact, though. But yeah, that’s it.” He adds with another shrug.

“You guess?” Natasha repeats with a raised brow.

Tony shrugs for the third time, eyes downcast as he plays with his food, turning his spoon around the middle until there’s a small hole before he mixes the oatmeal again and repeats the process.

“Well, I got bruised ribs ‘cos of it, didn’t I?”

There’s a hint of sarcasm in his tone this time, and Natasha just blinks at the engineer while Bruce and Steve exchange a look. The super soldier can’t help but frown because although it’s his trademark trait, Tony’s manner of speaking still sounds so _wrong_.

Yes, it’s Tony Stark sitting with them right now, but at the same time it’s not _like_ Tony at all. Steve wouldn’t go so far as to remark that it’s like having the engineer’s twin with them, because God knows one Tony Stark existing in this world alone is already too much to handle. No, that’s not it at all. If Steve were to guess, it’d be like having a version of Tony from an alternate dimension. If that even makes some damn sense.

There’s something niggling at the back of Steve’s mind, and although he’s wracking his brain for what it could be, nothing comes to mind. Frustrated but not wanting it to show, Steve inhales and exhales deeply as an uncomfortable silence falls over the group once more.

“Bruce, do you have any updates on the weapon?” Steve vocalizes.

Bruce looks up from the banana he’s cutting into pieces on his plate to meet the super soldier’s inquiring gaze.

“The scan was finished yesterday, and I’m still busy studying the schematics of the weapon.” Then the physicist turns to Tony with a tentative smile on his face as he adds, “Tony, if you’re feeling better, would you like to come down to my lab after? I could really use your expertise in this.”

Before Steve’s hopes (and expectations) can get up, Tony says the least unexpected thing.

“I don’t think so, Bruce.”

This time, the silence that follows is one of shock as everyone turns to stare at the engineer. Even Thor is gawking down at Tony, bits and pieces of pop tarts visible from his gaping mouth. Eyes wide in shock, Steve swivels his head to look at Bruce, the physicist’s eyebrows raised high into his hairline, clearly taken aback by what he just heard.

“Uh…” Bruce falters, an inscrutable expression crossing over his face. “Tony?”

“Tony,” Steve repeats, the concern he’s feeling apparent in his voice when Tony doesn’t speak.

Thor and Natasha remain silent, the latter's lips pursed in thought as she studies Tony through narrowed eyes.

“What the hell, man?” Clint demands after several moments. He peers doubtfully at the engineer, who is yet to look up from his bowl of decimated oatmeal. “Stark, this is the same weapon that fucking hit you and knocked you out for three days before you _woke up_. Now Bruce just asked you for _your_ help and you’re gonna say ‘you don’t think so’?”

Steve really should’ve interrupted Clint the moment he opened his mouth.

It seems that the archer’s words had some effect on Tony because he finally lifts his eyes for the first time in twenty minutes to look at the rest of the team’s concerned — and annoyed — expressions. Tony then turns his head to look at Clint, and Steve is horrified to see the agitation and _anguish_ in the engineer’s expressive eyes.

 _God, no human being deserves to look that_ wrecked, Steve thinks as his chest twinges uncomfortably.

Evidently, the rest sees the emotions playing wildly over Tony’s face, and they immediately turn somber. Even Clint looks ashamed just then.

“Of _course_ I want to help, Clint,” Tony states through gritted teeth. “But I’m not at my 100% capacity right now, and I’d rather not jeopardize Bruce’s work if I make a mistake. Also,” he adds, and Steve doesn’t miss the slight tremor in Tony’s voice. His voice is strangled, heavy with emotion that causes the pressing weight in Steve’s stomach to resurface as the engineer continues. “I have a name — _use it_. I’m so sick and tired of people calling me _Stark_ in _that_ way, as if I’m some dung stuck on the sole of their shoe. I know that none of you like me — I mean, we’re not even friends — and I’ve come to accept that.

I understand that to you, I’m just some rich guy who builds suits of armor for fun and you’re only tolerating me because I give you what you want, plus you’re all living in my Tower rent-free. I get it, I really do. But in case you forgot, I’m _human_ , too. For God’s sake, I’m not incapable of emotions; I feel them just as strongly as you do — but I hide them better than most. And yeah, it’s probably a mistake to do that. But that doesn’t give you the right to talk to me, or even _treat_ me, like the way you’ve all been treating me this whole time. My point is that all I ask of you is to exert a little patience with me. Would you grant me this courtesy, at least? I’m not a god or a super soldier. I’m getting old and I have health issues. And now I’ve revealed too much and I just made this whole thing way too awkward. So I’m leaving. Bye.”

Once finished with his impassioned speech, Tony hastily gets up from his seat, the chair scraping loudly against the tiles as it was roughly pushed back. Without another word, the engineer quickly walks out, his fists clenched by his sides — and his stride doesn’t break, JARVIS acting ahead as the elevator doors slide open to take Tony far away from the gobsmacked team.

Nobody moves or speaks for a long time after their teammate’s departure, each lost in thought as they individually ran over everything Tony just revealed to them in their befuddled minds. Steve’s mind is still stuck on the _‘I know that none of you like me — I mean, we’re not even friends — and I’ve come to accept that’_ part when he’s pulled from his thoughts by Clint breaking the stifling silence.

“Wow. We got all that from me calling him ‘Stark’.”

Natasha, who’s sitting closest to him, leans forward and slaps the archer right across the face. The others wince at the loud smack of skin hitting against skin, but Steve doesn’t feel the least bit sorry for Clint as he swears loudly and massages his burning cheek.

“You should’ve been more careful with your words, Clint,” Steve remarks sternly, still displeased at the archer’s caustic words that only seemed to heighten the engineer’s distress.

“You _idiot_ ,” the redhead snarls next. Again, Steve’s not sorry to admit that he feels satisfaction curl in his gut when he sees Clint hunch his shoulders in shame. “We agreed to _help_ Tony, not _antagonize_ him. Thanks to you, _birdbrain_ , we’ll have a harder time helping him because it’s clear now that he doesn’t trust us.”

“He trusts Bruce!” Clint points out, trying to sound helpful. Then he turns to the physicist, who’s looking a little green, and the archer recoils slightly at the deep frown aimed his way. “Uh, you guys are Science Bros. Right?”

Bruce takes several deep breaths before he manages to reply, “I think it’s safe to say that as of this moment, it’s just Science _Bro_ now. Steve’s right, Clint, that was a dumb thing to do.”

Thor nods solemnly in agreement, and Clint, looking more ashamed of his actions by the second, opens and closes his mouth a few times before he deflates.

He’s still massaging his cheek when he glumly admits, “I didn’t mean it that way. I just wanted to see if the Tony I — _we_ — know is still in there.”

“But he is not,” Thor interjects sadly. “That is not the Anthony I know, and his current behavior only serves to concern me more about his well-being.”

“It didn’t bother me when he said that he didn’t know if he’d be able to help me out,” Bruce utters to the group. “He’s still recovering, after all. But it’s the hesitation in his eyes that bothers me the most. Like, like as if he —”

“Is doubting himself?” Steve finishes with a frown.

Bruce shakes his head. “No. It’s more like he’s _afraid_ of what we’ll discover about the weapon.”

“Isn’t that normal?” Clint asks, puzzled.

“It is to normal people, but this is Tony we’re talking about. He tackles every problem with enthusiasm and passion, regardless of the danger it poses.”

Steve sighs. Sad to say, that’s exactly what the old Tony would do, but the new (?) Tony they have now is making the super soldier — and the rest of the team — reevaluate what little they know about the genius-billionaire.

“We need a new plan,” Natasha interjects firmly, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her chair.

“I agree,” Thor nods with a troubled look as he distractedly plays with a banana peel.

At that, Steve knows what to do. Kind of.

It’s still better than nothing.

“I think I may have one,” he says. When he sees that everyone is looking at him with hopeful expressions, the super soldier only has a split second to wonder if it’s the right course of action. _We all have to start somewhere_ , his inner voice supplies helpfully. With another deep breath, Steve continues. “We start from the beginning. We befriend Tony Stark.”

* * *

“JARVIS, will you please put the whole floor on lockdown? I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.”

There is a slight pause before the AI responds, “Of course, sir.”

Tony sighs in relief and then closes his eyes when his head begins to throb painfully. He brings up his hands and massages his temples as he utters through gritted teeth, “J, tint the walls for me, too? The light is killing my eyes.”

This time, there’s a note of concern in JARVIS’ voice when he answers, “Sir, I would recommend you to take a shower and then take a nap. Your current vitals show that you’re heavily fatigued.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t been sleeping much,” Tony grumbles under his breath, but he does as he’s told and slowly makes his way to his bedroom, heedful of his still tender ribs and tired muscles.

He shuffles inside his room and makes a beeline to his en suite where he proceeds to turn on the shower, setting the water to hot. Next, he carefully strips off his clothes, the almost week-old pajamas pooling at his feet. He gets inside the shower stall, sliding the door closed behind him as he does so, and Tony groans in relief when the scalding water cascades over his body. He feels the chill that’s been residing in his chest since waking up from an odd dream the day before begin to alleviate, albeit little by little. After several minutes, he decides to lather his body with soap, taking his time with scrubbing away the sweat and grime from being in the med bay for nearly a week.

His head downcast and eyes closed as he washes his hair with shampoo next, Tony’s not surprised to find his mind wandering to the cause of his current melancholy. So it’s nothing new that he caused another dramatic scene, and then made an even more dramatic exit.

 _Figures_ , Tony thinks, irked at himself for losing control like that. _They’re probably talking about you and how you’re such a drama queen. Seriously, Stark. You got what you wanted, right? You have_ all _your defenses shattered, and_ more, _yet you still manage to mess it all up by talking too much._

It’s pretty pathetic, come to think of it. But then again, that’s nothing new.

God, he can’t even curse in his current state! How is that even possible?

_What kind of sorcery is this?!_

_There’s only one way to find out,_ his subconscious supplies. Suddenly, he sees a flash of a familiar place — and face — pop up in his mind’s eye, and Tony jolts in shock as his eyes fly wide open. Heart pounding rapidly in his chest, the engineer shakes his head a few times to get rid of the haunting image in his mind, and he quickly rinses his hair before he turns the shower off and slides the door open. Steam is coming out from the shower stall as Tony gets out, finding a clean towel to wipe his hair and body dry and then wrapping it around his waist.

Despite the scalding shower he just took, Tony’s disheartened to find that the cold is starting to creep in his chest once more. He comes out of his en suite, goose bumps starting to break out throughout his nearly naked body as he stumbles to his dresser and chooses the comfiest clothes he first gets his hands on. Now dressed in his thickest pair of sweatpants and burrowed in three layers of sweaters and two layers of socks, Tony feels marginally better, but the coldness remains persistent. So he does the next best thing, which is to get in his king-sized bed and under the covers.

“J, turn off the air-condition for me,” Tony requests.

It takes JARVIS a fraction of a second to respond, and his AI’s voice is laced with concern when he says, “Sir, your bedroom won’t have proper ventilation if I do as you say. Your vitals also indicate that your body temperature is perfectly normal, and I —”

“JARVIS,” Tony interrupts, this time through gritted teeth to prevent his teeth from chattering. “I don’t care about ventilation right now, buddy. My vitals may be normal, but I beg to differ, if whatever’s happening to me now is any indication. Something’s not right with me, J, and I want to get to the bottom of this. But first, I want to sleep — I _need_ to sleep — if I’m going to solve this problem. So please. Turn it off.”

His body is trembling like a leaf by this point, his eyelids heavy with exhaustion. It certainly doesn’t help that Tony is awfully reminded of the gaping hole in his chest, that’s also somehow the cause of some really freaky chills that he’s felt since yesterday. Distantly, Tony hears JARVIS murmur something to him, but his mind is so far away from reality now, brain fuzzy with lethargy and feeling too snug buried under his thick comforter, reassured that his AI has done his bidding.

 _Where am I headed to this time?_ Tony thinks sluggishly.

“Sir? Do you want me to set your alarm?”

_No, s’fine. I’ll be up in a few hours._

“Sir?”

But Tony’s already fast asleep, his body curled up into a ball in the middle of the bed and arms wrapped tight around his torso, an unconscious gesture of shielding his arc reactor. From what, the engineer doesn’t know.

* * *

Tony belatedly realizes that his surroundings aren’t as pitch black as it was when he first “woke up” in this place. He can barely see what’s ahead of him, but it’s like someone had set the light on five percent, and now he can vaguely make out the figure standing four feet from him.

It takes Tony half a minute to recognize the face of the person who was following him, and when he does, his stomach lurches uncomfortably at the sight of the man he hasn't seen in more than two decades.

There's a huge lump in Tony's throat when he croaks out, “Jarvis?”

The man in question, dressed in his usual double-breasted suit, warmly replies with a, “Hello, sir.”

“Wha— what are you doing here? What the fuck is going on?”

_Oh hey, he’s regained the ability to curse again!_

“I’m here to guide you, sir.”

Tony’s brows furrow in confusion. “Guide me? To where? Wait — is this some Alice in Wonderland kind of shit? But, like, a creepier version of it. I fell down the rabbit hole and now I’m Alice while you’re the White Rabbit?”

Edwin Jarvis releases a long-suffering sigh, but there’s a fond smile on his face and Tony’s heart twinges in sorrow.

“I’m afraid I can’t say. But do know that you are perfectly safe with me, sir.”

Tony swallows inaudibly as his late butler’s soothing English accent fills the dark void surrounding them.

“Where are we?” he asks instead, swallowing past the lump still lodged in his throat.

“We are right where you are,” is Jarvis’ cryptic response, the corner of his mouth quirked upwards.

That irks the engineer, but his relief in seeing a familiar face, and one who Tony knows genuinely cared about him when he was still alive, is far greater than letting his annoyance at not getting the answer he wants get to him. So instead, Tony just nods his head and clears his throat.

“What’s wrong with me, Jarvis?” he utters next, unable to keep the fear out of his tone. “What’s happened to me?”

This time, Jarvis’ expression turns soft as he gazes down at Tony’s tense features, and the older man doesn’t hesitate to raise a hand to rest it reassuringly on Tony’s shoulder. Surprisingly, he’s warm to the touch, and the familiar gesture nearly brings the engineer to tears.

“Nothing is wrong with you, Tony,” Jarvis states firmly, and for a moment Tony almost believes him. “Now come along. The earlier we arrive at our destination, the sooner your questions will be answered.”

As they begin to walk towards the same direction the engineer was walking on earlier, Tony wonders if he’ll remember any of this when he wakes up.

“Not all of it, I’m afraid,” Jarvis replies apologetically, and Tony jerks his head to look at him in shock. The former turns to meet Tony’s startled eyes, and he impishly adds, “Yes, sir. I can hear your thoughts, but don’t worry. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before. And I must say, I agree with your assessment of Captain Rogers’ physique. He is, indeed, a fine specimen.”

“Oh my god, _shut up_ ,” Tony groans out loud, horrified that _this_ Jarvis has somehow become privy to his deepest, darkest, most intimate secrets. He's never felt this exposed in his life — oh wait, that's not true. “What the fuck. Is this even happening in my head? Are you even _real_?”

“Of course it’s happening inside your head, sir. Why should that mean that it’s not real?”

Tony doesn’t have anything to say to that. Regardless, he still catches the reference, and it leaves him feeling more unsettled than ever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the late update. My depression was triggered last week and it took me a while to recover. Given the nature of this story, I opted to take a break. I'm feeling better now, but I'm still taking it easy. This chapter took me longer to finish, but I hope it delivers.
> 
> Thank you for your support, it truly means a lot.
> 
> Any mistakes made are mine as this is unbeta'd. Enjoy reading.

_“So why am I here again? Wherever ‘here’ is.”_

_“I’m afraid I can’t say.”_

_“Why the fuck not?”_

_“Because I don’t know the answer to that.”_

_“… What? What do you mean by that? Why are you even here, then?”_

_“It means that when you ‘woke up’, I was also ‘woken up’. I am here because your subconscious called upon me — or rather, the memory of me.”_

_“Why would my subconscious do that? Wait. I mean, no offense, J, but I’m pretty confident I wasn’t thinking of you, or a memory of you, the moment I ‘woke up’. Subconsciously or not.”_

_“Well, your subconscious begs to differ, then, because here I am. I’m also guessing that this… place… brings forth thoughts and feelings long repressed to the forefront of one’s mind.”_

_“Yeah, no shit. Even with my clothes on, I still feel naked here. Anyway, back to more important issues, like being in a twisted version of_ Alice in Wonderland, _we’re not physically here, obviously.”_

 _“_ You _aren’t. I, however, am only present because your —”_

_“Yeah, yeah, my subconscious called upon you, or the memory of you. Whatever. But this doesn’t make any sense, J. Physically, I’m asleep in my suite at The Tower, but I’m also… here. And this is the second time that’s happened! Is this going to take place every time I go to sleep in the real world? Because let me tell you, I didn’t sign up for this shit. At all.”_

_“This world, if we can even call it that, is just as real as the one where you’re asleep, Tony. Just not as tangible as the former, I’m afraid.”_

_“… Are you saying that, theoretically speaking, I’m sort of existing between two worlds? One in my reality, and one in someone else’s?”_

_“That’s a shrewd way of putting it, but, theoretically speaking, I believe you’re correct, Tony.”_

_“How is that even possible? What could’ve caused— oh. Shit. Those aliens.”_

_“Aliens?”_

_“Yeah, the ones who attacked New York nearly a week ago. One of their weapons hit me — well, it was the arc reactor they hit, actually — but it knocked me out for three days. And it was when I woke up then that I only started feeling weird.”_

_“Weird, how?”_

_“Like I was stripped bare of all… my… defenses. Oh.”_

_“Sir?”_

_Tony stops in his tracks and he clamps his mouth shut, eyes wide as saucers as he stares ahead of him, thoughts running wildly as he connects the dots. He notices Jarvis stop a step ahead of him, the taller man tilting his head as he looks at Tony with an expectant look._

_“Sir?” Jarvis repeats, this time with a tinge of concern in his tone._

_Swallowing, Tony blinks and turns to meet Jarvis’ warm eyes. He knows that the butler has already literally read his thoughts, but Tony still voices them out loud._

_“I need to wake up. Being here in The In-Between — and yeah, I’m officially calling it that now — is just giving me more questions left unanswered. And I_ need _answers, J.”_

_Jarvis nods his head in understanding. “Very well, Tony. I will be here when you come back — whenever that may be.”_

_Tony bites his lip, a feeling of uncertainty washing over him. “Yeah? You sure about that?”_

_The Englishman’s expression softens as Jarvis regards the engineer with a fond smile._

_“I’m absolutely certain, sir. Go on and wake up now, there is much to be done.”_

_Before he knows it, Jarvis and The In-Between fades from view as Tony’s stomach swoops uncomfortably when he feels the ground open up under him and he falls into the chasm. He screams, but no sound emits from his throat. Oddly enough, the sensation of the wind whipping around his body should be present, but all he feels is numbness, starting from the inside out._

_Tony’s still falling until finally, his eyes slip shut of its own accord, and he succumbs to the darkness once more._

* * *

He wakes up with a phantom pressure in his chest, and he scrambles to sit up, the soft sheets tangling with his limbs as Tony gasps for breath. Heart still racing as if he’s just ran a marathon or two, he belatedly realizes that his whole body’s soaked with sweat and there’s not enough ventilation in his room.

“J-JARVIS,” Tony chokes, still heaving deep breaths. He tightly shuts his eyes, vague images of his dream dancing behind his eyelids like a distorted film reel as JARVIS — his _AI_ , and not his _dead_ butler — turns on the air-condition. Tony doesn’t know how long he was asleep, but it must’ve been for several hours if the darkening sky is anything to get by. “W-what time is it?”

“It’s ten minutes past six in the evening, sir,” comes JARVIS’ reply, and even through his sleep-addled brain, Tony can detect the concern in his voice.

“How long was I asleep?”

“Nearly eight hours. I did warn you about the ventilation in your room, sir,” his AI adds in an ‘I told you so’ way, to which the engineer responds with a huff of breath.

“The ventilation’s okay, J. It’s just — I was… never mind.”

 _It’s just that not a minute ago I was walking beside the man I named after you in a place my mind or subconscious or whatever is most likely trapped, and this situation is freaking the_ hell _out of me_.

Finally able to untangle his limbs from the sweat-soaked sheets, Tony shakily gets up from bed. He first takes off his socks, then his sweatpants, and finally the three layers of sweaters. It took the engineer a bit of maneuvering to get rid of the last sweater as the cloth clung to his skin like a leech. But once it was off and he’s only left standing a little unsteadily in his boxers, it was in that moment that it dawned on Tony that the bone-chilling sensation in his chest was long gone.

However, before he can so much as sigh in relief, he’s reminded of the hollow feeling in his chest and the phantom weight that’s pressing lightly somewhere in his torso. It’s not painful, but Tony is having a more difficult time breathing, as if someone’s taken hold of his heart, but they’re not exactly squeezing it, just — lightly clasping it in their hands.

Tony inhales and exhales several times until he’s breathing a little easier. Although the heaviness is still present in his chest, it’s a bit subdued now. And yet, the emptiness he’s felt upon waking up nearly a week ago is a constant reminder of Tony’s current predicament. Sure, he’s felt this way hundreds of times before — but for some unfathomable reason that the engineer can’t think of yet, this time is a lot worse.

Suddenly, he’s struck with a forceful wave of despair and hopelessness, and combined with the sinking void he’s already feeling, there’s nothing else Tony can do except to squeeze his eyes shut and stifle a sob.

“Sir?” he distantly hears JARVIS’ voice, the worry apparent in the AI’s tone.

It takes Tony several attempts to muster a response. “Wh-where are the others?”

“They are currently in the common living area, sir. Do you wish me to call Dr. Banner?”

“No! N-no, it’s fine,” Tony rasps out with a shudder as he forces his eyes open. His skin crawls uncomfortably, and he feels too big and small at the same time, leaving him disoriented. Letting out a deep breath, he shakily adds, “I’ll — I’m fine, J. I’m gonna go there. In a bit. Just, uh, just need to freshen up.”

“Your current vitals beg to differ, sir,” JARVIS replies placidly.

Tony huffs out a laugh. It ends up sounding more like a sob, and the engineer is eternally grateful that his AI doesn’t say anything further.

 _What’s wrong with me?_ he thinks as he slowly makes his way to the bathroom to freshen up, shaking his head as the remnants of his dream ( _or was it real? Jarvis looked, and felt, so real_ ) fades away.

Then again, it’s not like there was ever anything right with him in the first place.

* * *

It takes the rest of the morning and the whole afternoon for Steve to come up with a strategy on how to befriend one Anthony Edward Stark. Well, when he says ‘strategy’, it’s really more of an extensive list of Ways to Befriend Tony Stark. Much to his chagrin, he’s only reached bullet point #15. When Clint and Natasha joins him in the living room later that afternoon, Steve realizes too late that the archer was reading the list over his shoulder, and it so happened that the blond man just finished writing down bullet point #16, which is “Prepare his coffee every morning as it’s a gesture to show Tony that I thought of him”.

Steve closes his notebook with a loud snap, giving Clint an annoyed look.

Clint shrugs and puts and his hands up. “Hey, I’m not gonna judge you if that’s what you’re thinking. Just, uh, is making that list really necessary? We’re not in pre-school anymore, y’know.”

Natasha, who takes her place on the armchair adjacent to Steve’s position on the couch, raises an eyebrow at the super soldier, who sighs.

“Doesn’t hurt to be prepared, Clint,” Steve contradicts, frowning slightly at the two assassins. He meets Natasha’s stare with a raised eyebrow of his own. “What? What’s that look for, Nat?”

“Just that I underestimated how deep your guilt complex goes,” Natasha remarks, causing the archer to blink at the redhead and for Steve to flush slightly.

“I-I don’t — I’m not doing this because of my ‘guilt complex’,” he retaliates, complete with air quotes. Though the tightening in his chest suggests otherwise, and his frown deepens at that. When Natasha doesn’t say anything except to tilt her head and give him That Look — the look that says ‘Really, Cap? Who are you trying to hide the truth from, us or yourself?’ And, well, that really doesn’t sit well with Steve. “I just — I’m doing this to help Tony. To help _us_ help Tony.” He adds in a softer voice.

Clint, who’s sitting cross legged on the carpeted floor beside Natasha’s armchair, is the one who speaks next, much to Steve’s surprise when he hears the understanding in the other man’s voice.

“We get that, Steve. Really, we do. But sometimes even the best-laid plans go wrong. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with your to-do list,” the archer adds in a placating tone when Steve opens his mouth to protest. “It’s fine. But I’m just saying that it would be better if we play this by ear. Sta— _Tony_ is already unpredictable to begin with, and he’s more so now. I’m not saying I know the guy, but I observe people — comes with the job and all. All I’m saying is that, the way I see it, the best way to deal with _this_ type of situation is to watch and observe Tony and act accordingly to how he acts around us. For example, #10 on your list says ‘Strike up a conversation with Tony about his interests when you’re in the same room’ doesn’t really give off a genuine vibe.”

Okay, so maybe Steve could’ve written that one better. But it’s not like he’s had experience _making friends_. Making enemies, however? Sure, he can probably write a dissertation about that. The thing is, the ugly truth is that Steve doesn’t know _how_ to make friends. For a long time, the only friend he ever had was Bucky, and it’s only when he got juiced up on the serum that he managed to meet other people and have them look twice at him, instead of looking through him. And it was always _them_ who approached Steve and extended an olive branch, not the other way around. It’s not to say that Steve was afraid — well, okay, he was partly afraid — but it’s more of him being anxious of making a first impression that often prevents him from building new bridges.

So to have Clint tell him all those things strikes a strong chord in Steve. He’s not hurt or offended, no. He’s _ashamed_. Ashamed of the fact that he’s a grown-ass adult, the leader of a superhero team, and a national icon wherein millions of people _look up_ to him, and Steve doesn’t have the first clue on how to befriend someone without writing down a list.

But alright. Since he’s being so honest with himself right now, it doesn’t hurt to think that the real reason why he’s started writing this stupid list in the first place is because it’s Tony that he has to befriend. Tony, whom he’s butted heads with since the beginning and has proven Steve wrong about most, if not all, of his initial assumptions about the genius-billionaire after reading his file for The Avengers Initiative. There’s just _something_ about Howard’s son that leaves Steve feeling very peculiar, and it certainly doesn’t help that Tony’s extremely easy on the eyes.

Oh, Steve’s perfectly aware that he swings both ways, though his preference leans more towards the male spectrum. But his bisexuality isn’t the reason why he’s been having strange, unnameable feelings towards Tony. No, not at all. He’s still figuring things out on his own, and Steve hopes that the current predicament they’re in will also help shed a light on, well, pretty much everything. From Tony and his unusual behavior to Steve embarking on uncharted territories by befriending the one person he’s secretly been hoping to connect with.

Wow, he’s got issues, alright. How pathetic that must make him.

“You’re not pathetic, Steve,” Natasha cuts in with an eye-roll, and it’s then Steve realizes he must’ve said the last part out loud. “You’re just slow on the uptake on some things. But that doesn’t mean you’re not gonna learn.”

“Befriending people at my age shouldn’t be a difficult job, Nat,” Steve says with a self-deprecating smile.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, Cap,” Clint says with a smirk. “You’d be surprised that you’re not the only one who doesn’t know how to make friends.”

“Is that statement meant to comfort me?”

“No, it means that not everything is about you,” Natasha intervenes, but there’s a quirk in her lips that means she’s teasing Steve.

The super soldier shakes his head and states, “Honestly? This could’ve been avoided if I had been keeping a better eye on Tony in the first place.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Bruce’s voice suddenly interjects.

Steve turns and looks over his shoulder, the two assassins looking up at the physicist who’s just stepped out of the elevator, Thor half a step behind him.

“Aye,” Thor agrees with a solemn nod. The new arrivals join Steve on the couch, Bruce sitting in the middle as the Asgardian prince adds, “We have all made mistakes, thus we are now paying the price for it. But it does not do to dwell on the past for we may lose sight of the gift we have in front of us. That is to say that you do not have to shoulder this burden alone, Steven. You have us to help you carry the weight, and Anthony has us to aid him in his recovery.”  
“Yeah, what he said,” Clint agrees with a thumbs up towards Thor, who smiles widely at the archer in return.

Steve’s lips twitch into a small smile, and he looks at the Norse god with gratitude in his eyes.

“You’re right. Thanks, Thor. That means a lot. We’ll only be able successfully help Tony if we do it together, so that’s what we should do, then.”

“Slumber parties and movie nights?” Clint suggests with a straight face.

Natasha and Bruce roll their eyes while Thor perks up at the word ‘parties’. Steve, however, shakes his head and sighs.

“No, Clint,” he says, but his lips twitch in amusement when he sees the mischievous sparkle in the archer’s eyes. “I’m thinking along the lines of us constantly being in the same room as Tony is. Could be individually or as a group. His workshop and suite are off-limits, of course. We have to give him his space and we have to respect that. But when he’s here, in the common area? Or even in the gym? Let’s try to, well, let’s be more mindful of him. From what I gathered about his outburst earlier, he’s very… sensitive. And I think it would help us more if we communicate better with Tony.”

“What do you mean?” Bruce asks with a slight tilt of his head at the super soldier.

“Like when we talk to him,” Steve explains. “If you’re unsure about something in regards to anything about him, don’t be afraid to ask. This Tony is, for lack of a better term, vulnerable right now. We have to be a lot more considerate towards him, also conscious of the manner we speak to him. I’m not saying that we have to treat him like a delicate piece of china. Just that… we have to be careful.”

“Nobody wants a repeat performance of earlier,” Natasha pipes up with a knowing look. Everyone agrees with her with a shake of the head, and Steve doesn’t miss the guilty look that crosses over Clint’s face.

“We should also enlist the help of JARVIS,” Bruce adds. “This way, he’d be able to tell us of Tony’s whereabouts or alert us if something’s come up.”

“I would be more than happy to assist, Dr. Banner,” JARVIS’ voice comes over the speakers.

“Thanks, JARVIS,” Steve answers the AI, gratitude evident in his tone. “Your support will definitely make things a lot easier for us. Speaking of,” he adds as an afterthought. He checks his watch, shocked to see that it’s already gone past six in the evening. “Is Tony still asleep?”

“Sir is awake and is currently on his way down to the common area, Captain,” comes JARVIS’s response a second later.

There’s something about the way the AI spoke that jars something in Steve. Frowning, he turns to look at his teammates, and he’s not surprised to see them with almost the same expressions.

“What’s going on, JARVIS?” Bruce asks calmly. “Did something happen to Tony?”

There’s a slight pause before the AI answers. “Sir’s current vitals show that he is in distress, and I have drawn to the conclusion that it has to do with the nightmare he had. I highly suggest that you do not bombard him with questions for it may only aggravate his state further.”

The pressing weight in Steve’s stomach returns full force upon hearing Tony’s current condition. He bites his lower lip and trades concerned glances with the others before thanking JARVIS for the heads up.

“Clint, turn the TV on,” Natasha orders, and that snaps Steve out of his trance.

The archer does as he’s told, and in a split second the 85-inch TV is switched on to a random channel — some cartoon called Adventure Time — and Steve forces himself to slouch in his position. Five seconds later, he hears the elevator doors open, followed by the footsteps of Tony’s sock-clad feet padding quietly, uncertainly, towards the living area.

Steve musters a small but genuine smile and turns his head to look at Tony, but the greeting dies on his lips when he sees the haunted look in the engineer’s eyes.

“Tony?” Steve utters instead, concern seeping into his voice as he carefully stands up from the couch. When Tony doesn’t speak, only continues to look at Steve with the same tormented look, he adds in a softer tone, as if he’s talking to a wounded animal. “What is it?”

* * *

His heart twinges at Steve’s question, and Tony opens and closes his mouth but no word comes out. Throat tight with emotion, he forces himself to swallow the lump in his throat, and Tony breathes deeply to alleviate the hollow pain in his chest.

At this point, the rest of the team are looking at Tony, concern visible on their faces as they silently, patiently, wait for Tony to speak. From the corner of his eye, he sees Clint lower the volume of the TV until it’s a low, buzzing sound, and for some reason that gesture melts something in the engineer.

“Tony?” This time, it’s Natasha who speaks, her voice low and soothing.

Tony briefly glances at her, notices her sitting on her knees in the armchair she’s unofficially claimed as hers, before returning his eyes to Steve’s, who’s standing a mere four feet away from Tony. The super soldier’s back is ramrod straight, but despite that posture it only brought a strange sense of comfort to him.

He’s not completely sure why he decided to go up here in the first place, but Tony has a gut feeling that this is where he’s supposed to be. As to why, he can’t say — it’s not like his teammates care about him, anyway. Though their concern is touching, Tony can’t bring himself to think that it’s genuine concern for _him_. For all Tony knows, they’re probably worried that he’s going to have another dramatic outburst similar to this morning. If that’s the case, then fine, Tony can’t do anything about that.

But it’s just…

He’s so _tired_.

It’s a bone-deep exhaustion that causes the engineer’s shoulders to slump further, arms crossing over his chest as he chews on his lower lip. He’s thankful that he doesn’t have the chills anymore, and God help him should it come back. But that’s a bridge he’ll cross if it happens again. For now, he’s dressed in his thickest and comfiest clothes, surrounded by people he trusts to have his back in a fight but not… not in _this_ way. Not like, like someone who _cares_ about him.

But Tony’s just so drained, and Pepper’s away on business for another two weeks while Rhodey’s in Afghanistan. So that leaves him with his teammates, and honestly, Tony’s desperate enough that he’d willingly left the sanctuary of his penthouse suite to seek their company. Doing so is a testament to how helpless he’s become, and the thought of Steve — of any of them, really — turning Tony away after this breaks something in him.

He lets out a shaky breath, doesn’t miss to catch sight of Bruce’s left hand twitching from his position beside Steve. Steve, who’s still standing and staring at Tony with a worried look.

“Tony,” Steve speaks again in the same soft tone, and this time Tony forces himself to pay attention to the blond man’s words. “Are you okay?”

_Okay? Am I okay?_

That question, although innocent, ends up becoming the tipping point of Tony’s emotional turmoil this past week.

“No,” he admits hoarsely, voice breaking on the vowel. “I’m not.”

There’s a stinging in his eyes then, and Tony hates himself when he feels the tears spill down his cheeks. He sees the panicked expression on Steve’s face, but that doesn’t register in him as Tony closes his eyes in shame and he brings a hand up to cover his mouth to stifle his sobs. Before he knows it, Tony feels large, hesitant hands rest on his biceps, and he stiffens at the contact for a moment before his body relaxes and sways towards the figure in front of him. The hands — Steve’s hands, he notes with surprised confusion — slowly rub circles on Tony’s arms before they carefully encircle around his shaking form.

“I’m not okay, I’m not okay,” Tony belatedly hears himself mutter under his breath like a broken record, his face pressed against Steve’s broad chest. Next, he feels a hand run through his bedraggled hair, and Tony initially thought it was Steve’s, but then he realizes that it’s too small and feminine. Then it dawns on him that it’s Natasha who’s standing on his left, quietly murmuring words of comfort in Russian as she strokes his head in a soothing manner. Her ministrations help subside his quaking body, but it’s Steve’s hold on Tony that helped ground him. He feels Steve’s hands, resting lightly on the middle of his back, grip him a little tighter when Tony utters, “This terrifies me.”

“What does, Tony?” He hears Bruce quietly ask on his right, and it’s then Tony registers the physicist’s hand on his shoulder.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Tony feels more tears escape, and he lets out a sound between a sob and a whine, the sound muffled as Tony buries his face further into Steve’s cotton-clad chest.

He feels Steve wrap his arms tighter around him, and in a distant part of his mind, Tony marvels at how he manages to sound coherent despite his current state, as he replies in a hushed tone. “The void. In me. It never goes away, _never_. It’s just there, and I know I’m missing something, but I don’t know what it is, and it’s killing me. This shouldn’t even hurt, but it does. It does, and I don’t know how to make it stop. I can’t make it stop. Even when I’m asleep, I still feel it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again, and it terrifies me that I’ll always feel this way. This _broken_.”

“You are not broken, Anthony,” Thor gently interjects, a tinge of sadness in his voice.

Tony laughs wetly. “Joke’s on you, Thor, ‘cos I am.”

“You’re not,” Steve’s firm voice comes next. “And even if you are — which you’re _not_ — then we’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah?” Tony says with a sniffle. “How do you suppose we’re gonna do that?”

Tony feels Steve’s arms tighten around his shaking frame as the super soldier solemnly says, “Together.”

“Yeah, we’re here for you, man,” Clint adds reassuringly.

“You’re not alone in this, Tony,” Steve murmurs, and there’s a promise in his tone that the engineer doesn’t miss.

Tony doesn’t say anything, except to clutch tighter to the cotton fabric of Steve’s shirt as he lets out another sob and allows himself to be comforted by his teammates.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is late. Work's been stressful, but I hope the long chapter makes up for it.
> 
> Unbeta'd. Enjoy reading!
> 
> UPDATE: Thank you for pointing out that there's a missing text. I just fixed it and hope you re-read that part 'cause it's half a thousand words and provides some insight/information!

Steve surmised that there’s still a silver lining to their current situation. Following Tony’s emotional breakdown, it’s like a barrier has been lifted that was separating the engineer from the rest of the team. Granted, Tony’s still acting his unusual self since he woke up, but he’s been a bit more open to them. Not in an atypical way that would send alarm bells ringing in Steve’s head. Just that after they comforted the engineer, Steve had the feeling that they passed some sort of test. And having passed that test led to Tony warming up to them.

Hell, Tony _apologized_ to them afterwards for his outburst earlier that day, and if it were under different circumstances, Steve would’ve laughed at the others’ gobsmacked expressions — even Natasha’s face slackened in shock upon hearing Tony’s genuine apology. But what surprised Steve more was when Clint regained his composure and _he_ apologized to the engineer, saying that he had nothing to be sorry for, and that it was the archer’s fault for being insensitive to his situation.

“I was the one who was an asshole to you earlier,” Clint had said with a somber expression. “I’m sorry, Tony. That was inconsiderate of me to say all those to you, and I’ll understand if you don’t forgive me anytime soon.”

“It’s fine, Clint. I forgive you,” Tony uttered with a small, sad smile as he looked at the archer. “Thanks for, uh, apologizing. Not many people have shown that much consideration for my feelings before, so. Um. Thanks.”

In that moment, Steve had the sudden urge to take Tony in his arms again, while simultaneously wanting to hunt down every single person who’s wronged the engineer in the past. Then, thinking that Steve’s part of _that_ particular list, it brought nothing but shame and regret for his past actions towards Tony. Obviously, Tony also had his own faults, but Steve wondered that if he were less set in his ways, then maybe choosing to understand why Tony is the way he is instead of painting the engineer in a certain light or forcing him to change so that it meets Steve’s specifications could’ve dissolved the rift between then.

Because like it or not, Steve now accepts the fact that Tony is a complex and flawed human being. Even better, Tony is his _own_ person. He’s not ‘Howard Stark’s son’, or ‘The Merchant of Death’, or even ‘Earth’s Best Defender’. He’s Tony Stark — the genius behind the Iron Man suit, the philanthropist who’s set up funds to help aid the victims of the countries that were targeted by his weapons without his knowing, and the selfless billionaire who’s done nothing but atone for his past mistakes by building better tech to help protect the world.

Steve feels despondent that it’s taken him this long to realize all of that, more so for Tony to get hurt to make the super soldier see that he’s been seeing the engineer through different lenses. Somehow, life’s pretty wise like that. In order to truly understand a person, one of them would have to go through something really terrible — or really well, depending on the circumstance — to have the other’s eyes opened to the truth that has been in front of them all along.

Well, Steve’s ma, Bucky, and the Howling Commandos did say his stubbornness was going to bite him in the ass one day. It seems like that day has already come.

The next week passes by uneventfully, the only hiccup being Bruce delivering bad news that he’s seen nothing of import to share to the team in regards to the weapon that hit Tony. It was an unspoken agreement among the others to not comment on the fact that the engineer still didn’t help Bruce. It was almost as if Tony was _shying_ away from it. Hell, he hasn’t even been to his workshop since he woke up. It’s deeply concerning because Tony is almost _always_ at his workshop, tinkering with whatever project he’s working on. But Steve and the others chose not comment, instead thinking that it’s probably another factor in Tony’s unusual behavior.

So, disheartened at the lack of progress and good news, Bruce decided then to surrender the device to SHIELD, who gladly whisked it away the moment Steve contacted Fury that they weren’t able to obtain much information from their end.

“Do you think SHIELD will be able to find something?” Steve had asked the physicist after Agent Hill and two SHIELD agents left the Tower with the device.

Bruce only shrugged, but there’s a frown on his face when he said, “Though Tony’s tech is more advanced than theirs, I won’t be surprised if they got something up their sleeve. And I hope they do. For Tony’s sake, I really hope they do.”

That conversation happened almost sixteen hours ago. In the present, it’s a little after two in the morning and Steve has just stepped out of the elevator in the common area to make some hot cocoa. He’d been tossing and turning in his bed for almost three hours, unable to fall asleep. As to why, the super soldier doesn’t have a clue, but he sure hopes that a cup of his favorite beverage will be able to help him fall asleep.

So it comes as a surprise when he’s halfway to the kitchen that he spots a lone figure standing in front of the floor to ceiling windows. Eyes squinting as it adjusts to the dark-lit room, it takes Steve a second longer to discern the person staring at the New York skyline.

“Tony?” Steve asks in a hushed tone, and in the stillness of the night his voice manages to carry throughout the room as it startles the man in question.

Steve’s eyebrows lift in mild surprise when he notices that Tony’s wearing a thick, grey sweater, plaid pajama pants, and white socks.

It’s nearing the end of summer, and even if the air-condition is on full-blast in the Tower 24/7, Steve still thinks that it’s a little odd of Tony to be wearing thick layers of clothing. Then again, maybe that’s just Steve talking, since he’s juiced up with the serum and his body temperature runs a little differently than the average person’s.

Blinking away his thoughts, Steve shakes his head once. He takes a few steps towards Tony who hasn’t spoken a word since Steve called out his name.

“Are you alright?” Steve adds, furrowing his brows when he sees Tony cross his arms.

“Hey, Steve,” the engineer replies with a small smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just can’t sleep. Fancy seeing you here at this late hour, too.”

Steve smiles a little lopsidedly at Tony as he shrugs and says, “Can’t sleep myself. How long have you been standing there?”

He sees Tony furrow his brows in thought, and Steve thinks the engineer looks almost child-like wearing that expression. Inwardly shaking his head at that random observation, he focuses back on Tony as he opens his mouth to speak.

“Dunno. Maybe half an hour.”

“Ah.” Steve shuffles his feet a little awkwardly as silence descends upon them. Then, remembering his purpose for going down in the first place, he perks and addresses the engineer once more. “I’m gonna make some hot cocoa. Would you like some?”

Tony blinks at him, possibly a bit taken aback at the random request.

“Uh… sure? I mean — yeah. Okay. If it’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.”

Steve does his best not to frown at the uncertainty in Tony’s voice, so he musters a reassuring smile as he gestures his head for the man to join him in the kitchen. As he turns around, he notices Tony hesitate before he shuffles forward to follow the super soldier.

Taking out the ingredients from the corresponding cupboards, Steve moves fluidly as he fills the saucepan with low-fat milk and turns the stove on to start heating it. Next, he measures a few tablespoons of cocoa powder and then adds it into the saucepan. Then, he adds a tablespoon of sugar, a dash of salt, and lastly a half teaspoon of vanilla extract before he starts stirring the ingredients together. All the while, Steve is cognizant of Tony’s presence behind him, the engineer leaning against a counter as he silently observes Steve make their drink.

“Do you do this often? Make hot cocoa?” Tony asks then, and it’s the curiosity in his voice that makes Steve meet his inquiring gaze with a slightly sheepish smile.

“I used to, especially the first six months after waking up from the ice,” he replies easily. “These days? Not so much. But every now and then I’d find it hard to fall asleep. So it’s either I hit the gym and let off some steam by destroying a few punching bags, or I come down here and make myself a drink.”

Tony’s lips quirk upwards in amusement, and Steve’s chest warms at his open expression. “And which do you think helps you more?”

Steve tilts his head in thought as he ponders on the question for a moment longer. Eventually, he settles with, “Gotta say, Tony, that question got me thinking. But I’d go with the hot cocoa, only because it’s the same way my ma used to make, save for a couple of ingredients. She made me this drink whenever I was sick, which was pretty often. And I suppose I associate it with comfort and safety, so I guess it makes sense that I’d seek this out whenever I can’t fall asleep.”

“Like your go-to pick-me-up,” Tony supplies helpfully.

Steve nods with a smile. “Yeah, just like that. But really, I just love hot cocoa.”

“You should be a brand ambassador for Hintz, then.”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Maybe I should, then.”

Steve’s smile widens when he hears Tony chuckle, and he shoots him another lopsided smile, inwardly patting himself on the back for getting such a positive reaction out of the engineer.

They descend into silence once again. Steve finds it pleasant, the silence. It’s not stilted or uncomfortable at all, which is a good change in his opinion. Instead, it feels like another wall has dissolved between them, one that Steve thinks has always been there but was never addressed.

From the corner of his eye, he catches sight of Tony running a hand through his unkempt hair before rubbing one hand against an eye. Stifling a smile at the almost child-like gesture, which he genuinely finds adorable, Steve stirs the hot cocoa a few more times before he turns the stove off. He takes out two mugs from the cupboard to his left and fills them up with the steaming drink.

Dumping the empty saucepan in the sink, Steve slides a mug towards Tony, remembering the latter’s aversion to being handed things. That gesture doesn’t go past Tony, who picks up the mug with a small smile of gratitude towards Steve as he mumbles his thanks. Smiling back, Steve picks up his own mug and blows on the surface before taking a small sip. Inhaling the sweet, rich scent of the cocoa, Steve finds himself closing his eyes in bliss before taking a longer sip of his drink.

He’s pulled from his thoughts when he hears Tony make a noise of agreement. Steve opens his eyes to see Tony looking at his drink as if it holds all the answers to life’s questions.

“This is really good,” Tony remarks. Not bothering to blow on the surface, he takes another sip, and Steve almost chokes on the hot liquid when the engineer runs a tongue on his upper lip. “You got some skills, Steve.”

Clearing his throat, Steve fights down a blush — for God’s sake, it’s a damn drink, he shouldn’t be this flushed! — as he quickly stammers out, “It’s just hot cocoa.”

Tony’s lips quirk around the rim of his mug as he takes another long sip.

“Best one I’ve tasted, though,” the engineer murmurs into his drink.

Steve knows he wasn’t meant to hear it, and it’s only thanks to the serum that he even picked up on it in the first place. So he pretends that he didn’t hear it, but the way his stomach swoops at the compliment shows that he isn’t completely unaffected by Tony’s words.

They’re quiet again after that, both of them facing the other with a hip leaning against the counter as they continue to sip their drinks. Unsurprisingly, Steve is the first to finish off his, but he waits for Tony to drain his mug before he takes it from the engineer’s hands. When his fingers accidentally brush against Tony’s, Steve jerks in surprise and he almost drops the mug because _shit, those fingers are cold as ice_. Still, he doesn’t say anything as he sets the dirty mugs in the sink, aware of Tony’s eyes boring into the back of his head.

Subtly clearing his throat as he turns to face the engineer once more, whatever Steve was about to say dies on his throat when he glimpses Tony’s closed-off expression.

“Tony—?” he starts, a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Thanks for the, uh, drink,” Tony interjects, slightly stumbling over his words. “I should head to bed, now. Kinda feeling the cocoa kick in.”

“Tony,” Steve cuts in, this time inflecting a bit of his Captain America voice. When Tony jerks his head up to meet his solemn eyes in surprise, the super soldier adds, “Is everything okay?”

Tony opens and closes his mouth a few times, but no word comes out, and that alone causes Steve’s worry to deepen. Frowning, he takes a tentative step towards the smaller man, and Steve silently sends a prayer of thanks when Tony doesn’t back away. In fact, he seemed to _sway_ towards Steve, and that alone boosts his resolve to approach the engineer closer.

“Tony?” Steve repeats, this time in a quieter voice as he gently sets his hands on the man’s arms. In the back of his mind, Steve realizes how intimate this must look like to a third party. It’s the middle of the night and here he is, standing in close proximity to another man in the dark-lit common area. But all Steve can think of in that moment is to take Tony into his arms. Tony, whom he realizes is shivering despite being buried in thick layers of clothing. He has hidden it so well that even _Steve_ didn’t notice it until he’s literally laid hands on him. “You’re shivering,” he adds, unable to hide the alarm in his voice. “Why— are you running a fever?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Tony quickly declares, but the way he gravitates closer to Steve says otherwise. “Just… just feeling cold. Nothing to worry about, Steve.”

If possible, Steve’s frown deepens. “Tony, of course this is something to worry about. I should probably wake Bruce up —”

“No! It’s — no. Please don’t. I’m _fine_.”

“Tony, you’re _shaking_. You’re far from fine.”

“Then I’ll _be_ fine. Just… please.”

Steve swallows inaudibly, and he has to bite his lower lip to stop himself from reprimanding the stubborn engineer. It’s only when he hears the desperate plea in Tony’s tone that Steve gives in with a defeated nod. The worry continues to build up, and he starts to feel the familiar weight pressing in his chest as he helplessly watches Tony clench his fists by his sides as his body continues to tremble.

“What do you need?” he asks next. When Tony looks up to meet his eyes, Steve adds, “Please, Tony. Allow me to help you. I — please let me help you, in any way I can. What do you need?”

Tony bites his lower lip, and Steve sees the conflicting emotions in his dark brown eyes before the engineer eventually answers, “Will you — ? I mean, I… Steve, I — I need…”

When Tony’s voice falters, Steve moves without a second thought and closes the remaining distance between them. He pulls Tony into a hug, arms wrapping around his trembling frame in a tight embrace, and he feels Tony melt in his arms as he buries his face into the crook where Steve’s shoulder and neck meet.

The super soldier physically fights off a shudder when he feels Tony’s warm breath on his bare skin.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he hears Tony mumble repeatedly.

Something twinges in Steve’s chest, and his only response is to rub soothing circles on Tony’s back, one hand moving up to lightly grip his nape in comfort. He feels Tony’s fingers clutching the front of his shirt, and after a while he hears the engineer sniffle against his neck.

“It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay,” Steve says gently, and in an act of weakness he leans his cheek against the side of Tony’s head as he tightens his hold on the man. “And you have nothing to be sorry for, Tony. We’re here to help you in any way we can.”

“Even like this?” Tony replies shakily, doubt laced in his tone.

For a moment, it hurt to breathe, and Steve had to inhale deeply and swallow past the lump lodged in his throat before he’s able to speak.

“Especially like this,” is his emphatic answer.

Tony doesn’t reply, and Steve understands, because then, the engineer lets out a whimper as he gives out another full body shudder. And Steve, feeling helpless, holds him tighter in response.

* * *

It takes another ten minutes before Tony pulls away from the hug. After looking bashfully at Steve through his lashes, Tony mutters a quick thanks and high tails it out of the common area before the super soldier can get a word in edgewise.

It’s only when Steve’s lying on his bed twenty minutes later when it dawns on him that despite the circumstances, he reveled in the feeling of having Tony in his arms. He admits then that he likes it more than he initially thought.

* * *

“Tony.”

Tony looks up from the tablet where he’s been answering Stark Industries-related e-mails to meet Natasha’s eyes.

“Yes, Nat?” the engineer responds with a tilt of his head.

“You haven’t been to your workshop since you woke up,” the redhead remarks conversationally with a raised brow. “Why is that?”

Steve, who’s been quietly drawing on his sketchpad for the past hour and a half, suddenly looks up at the scene unfolding before him.

Three days have passed since that night when Steve comforted Tony. The morning after that, he noticed that the engineer looked infinitely better, but the dark circles under his eyes is still present, however less prominent. Plus, he was also wearing clothes more appropriate for the summer season. Though Steve couldn’t help but keep a closer eye on the engineer after that incident, thinking that it’s better to remain vigilant in case it happens again. Especially upon remembering what Bruce told them before about Tony’s body temperature being nearly 2 degrees lower than the average person’s. Still, he hopes nothing like that doesn’t happen again, but knowing their — and Tony’s, for that matter — luck, it’s better to be safe than sorry. It definitely helps that Steve informed the others of what occurred that night, so now they’re constantly on the look out for another relapse of their teammate.

Currently, they’re in the common area. Clint and Thor are busy preparing a late lunch, Bruce is seated in the armchair, reading a medical journal while Natasha’s cleaning her guns in front of the coffee table. Steve’s sitting on one side of the couch while Tony’s on the other end.

From the corner of his eye, Steve sees Bruce also look up from his journal, the three of them watching Tony fidget slightly as he comes up with an answer.

“I haven’t really,” Tony pauses and purses his lips. After a moment, he finishes his sentence with, “Haven’t felt an inclination to go there recently.”

Steve frowns, but before he can open his mouth, Bruce beats him to it.

“Does it have to do with… what happened?” the physicist asks carefully.

This time, Tony looks pensive as he considers his next words. “I think it does. Among other things, I mean.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asks.

Tony looks pensive for a few seconds longer. “Well, to put it simply, it’s like I’ve lost interest in activities I normally enjoy doing,” he eventually answers, turning to meet their curious, if not concerned, gazes. “It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to do them. Just that… I don’t think I possess the inclination to do what I normally enjoy doing. I want to, but at the same time I can’t be bothered. I’m not sure why, but I’m guessing that it has to do with whatever I was hit with.”

That… kinda sounds a lot like depression, Steve thinks. And it seems that Bruce is thinking along the same lines because the physicist is frowning at Tony.

There’s a crease between his brows when he says, “Um, Tony. I think you’re describing a few symptoms of depression.”

Tony’s lips draw in a tight line, and his next reply comes a little strained. “You’re not wrong on that, Bruce. But I — that is — I’m just letting you know how it feels. Okay? But I don’t, um, really think it’s depression.”

That last bit ended up sounding like a question than a statement.

“How can you tell?”

The engineer glances at Steve again, an inscrutable expression on his face when he says, “Call it intuition? Trust me, I know what depression feels like. This isn’t it. There’s a difference between _that_ that and what I’m… currently going through.”

Not wanting to ruin the good mood, they soon drop the topic. They each do their own thing for several minutes, only to be broken once more by Natasha.

“There’s another thing I noticed,” the redhead muses.

“Yeah?” Tony looks up from his tablet for the second time, a curious glint in his eye.

“You stopped swearing.”

At this, Tony stiffens, and Steve’s instantly on high alert when he notices the engineer white-knuckling the tablet in his hands.

“I, uh, yeah. About that.”

Steve, although worried as hell, can’t help but reprimand himself because _how the hell did he not notice that, too?_ He’s known Tony for nearly two years, been living with him for almost that long, and not once did he hear the man speak without swearing every other sentence. Feeling ashamed of himself for not noticing the obvious, Steve discreetly glances at Bruce and is filled with relief when he catches sight of the embarrassed look that passes over the physicist’s face.

He’s certain that if he looks behind him now, he would see both Clint and Thor gaping at them. Judging by the small smirk on Natasha’s face, the super soldier’s guess isn’t too far off.

“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, Tony,” Steve interjects placatingly, shooting Natasha a look of warning, but the redhead ignores him.

“No no, it’s fine,” Tony reassures Steve with a shake of his head. He unconsciously bites his lower lip as he stares unseeingly at his tablet, brows scrunched up in contemplation. Eventually, Tony lets out a sigh, and he sets the device aside so it’s now laying face down between him and Steve. “It’s not that I _stopped_ swearing. I seem to have lost the — ability? — to do so.”

“Uh, what?”

The four turn their heads to see Clint looking at them with a perplexed expression, the archer carrying a bowl of salad in his hands while Thor sets down the butcher knife as he pauses in cutting the roasted chicken to pieces.

“You _lost_ the ability to swear?” Clint repeats, sounding a little incredulous.

Tony flushes slightly as he flounders for words. Upon seeing the engineer blush, Steve is suddenly struck dumb when his heart skips a beat, and it obviously had nothing to do with the news of Tony’s sudden inability to say the word ‘fuck’.

 _Oh, gee, what’s going on?_ Steve wonders. When he glances down at his sketchpad, he’s shocked to see the corners of the page where he was sketching one of Natasha’s guns laid on top of the coffee table smudged with sweat. Flustered, he closes his sketchpad and subtly runs his hands over his denim pants to wipe off the moisture that built up upon his realization that _he finds Tony appealing when he blushes_.

“Can you try to say something?” Bruce asks, sounding very much like the scientist he is. He’s leaning forward in his seat as he peers at Tony with intrigue. Then he quickly adds, “No pressure! You don’t have to if you don’t —”

But Tony’s smiling, if a little reluctantly, as he says, “It’s fine. Now that you mentioned it, I’m curious myself. Thinking back to when I first woke up, I never felt the urge to swear. I mean, it’s _there_ , at the back of my mind, but at the same time it’s _not_. Like, there’s a barrier that prevents me from accessing that.”

“Try it?” Natasha prods gently.

Tony nods and then opens his mouth to blurt out the first word that comes to mind.

Nothing happens.

Tony’s mouth is open but no voice emits from his throat. Next, he tries to mouth the word, but that also doesn’t work. Eventually, the engineer stops trying, and there’s dubious look etched on his face as he blinks.

Steve just stares at Tony, and Natasha and Bruce trade looks before they look back at the engineer. From the kitchen, Clint and Thor remain silent.

“I was totally not expecting that,” Clint comments, breaking the silence.

Pulled from his reverie, Steve frowns.

“Do you think that could be part of what you’re missing? When you first woke up, you said that you were missing something. Could that be part of it?” the super soldier inquires. Somehow, he must’ve said something right — or wrong — because suddenly the air shifts as the implication of his question registers in everyone.

Natasha and Bruce straighten in their seats. Even Steve finds himself surprised at his own words as he blinks a few times. He doesn’t know what Clint and Thor’s expressions are, but judging by the lack of movement behind him, he’s certain that they’re both attentive to the conversation taking place in the living room.

It’s Tony, however, who remains calm and unaffected. Although there’s a small crease between his brows, and he appears to be lost in thought as he ponders on Steve’s questions.

“I can’t say for certain,” he finally ends up saying carefully. But before Steve, or the others, can begin to feel disappointed, Tony is quick to add, “But I think that whatever the barrier is that’s preventing me from swearing — even from this sudden lack of interest in my work — _could_ be an important aspect to what’s wrong with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Tony,” Steve cuts in with a frown.

Tony glances at him, and there’s a softness in his brown eyes that the super soldier discerns when he aims an equally soft smile at Steve. The pressing weight in his chest suddenly gives way to a fluttery feeling, and he willfully ignores the keen gazes of Natasha and Bruce as he returns Tony’s smile with one of his own.

“You’re too kind, Steve Rogers,” Tony observes, and it’s Steve’s turn to blush.

“And you’re too stubborn, Tony Stark,” Steve quips back with a raised brow. He hears Clint cough loudly to cover his laugh. Even Natasha is smirking at him as the redhead picks up another handgun from her pile to clean next.

Tony shrugs. “Takes one to know one, I guess.” And the chuckle that escapes past Steve’s lips causes the engineer’s smile to widen a fraction, eyes crinkling at the sides.

“Tony, you could be on to something,” Bruce speaks up then, and Steve averts his eyes from Tony to look at the bespectacled man who looks like he’s just discovered a breakthrough. “Would it be okay with you if you go through another MRI scan? I can use the results I got from before you woke up, but I’d like to see if there’s a difference between then and now. We can also pull up your last MRI results from before your attack. See if there’s a dissimilarity between them.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Tony nods at Bruce, his smile turning faint. His gaze turns inward then, as if he’s recalling a memory. It’s only thanks to the serum that Steve’s able to hear Tony mutter under his breath, “Maybe I’d get answers about why I’m in-between.”

Huh?

_In-between? In-between what? What’s that supposed to mean?_

But before Steve can ask Tony to expound on that, Thor suddenly calls out to them in his loud, booming voice that lunch is finally ready. In that instant, everyone in the living room gets up from their seats to gather around the dining table laden with a delicious spread.

Steve’s bringing up the rear, so he witnesses Natasha place a comforting hand on the middle of Tony’s back as she walks past him. He sees Tony turn his head to smile at the redhead, who smiles back at him with a warm look. Next, he sees Clint set down a bottle of cold water by Tony’s plate, the archer clapping a hand on Tony’s shoulder when the engineer thanks him with a small grin. Warmth blooms in Steve’s chest as he observes the small details of his teammates going out of their way to be considerate towards Tony. As he settles himself in his usual seat, which is in front of Tony and on Bruce’s left, Steve shoots the engineer a lopsided smile as he pushes the bowl of fresh fruits closer to him, a clear gesture that Tony should eat a piece of kiwi first.

Tony rolls his eyes at him, and there’s a pang in Steve’s chest because it’s another thing the old Tony does. But Steve instantly pushes that thought away and focuses on the present. Old Tony, New Tony — he should probably drop that comparison. It’s completely inaccurate, anyway. Because in the past week and a half that he’s spent in the other man’s company, Steve’s started to figure out just what kind of person Tony Stark really is, and he _likes_ what he’s discovered so far.

In fact, he likes it so much that he’s perfectly aware he’s definitely treading on uncharted waters. And frankly, Steve doesn’t think he’s willing to step away from the feelings that’s starting to surface and blossom in regards to a certain genius-engineer.

As they start to load their plates with roasted chicken, baked potatoes, and quinoa salad, Steve’s attention soon turns to the lively conversation of Thor recounting the best feasts he’s had in Asgard. He loses himself in the Asgardian’s exuberant storytelling, laughing along with the others as Steve momentarily forgets about Tony’s offhanded comment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is almost a month late. Work's just been so stressful. I've been working overtime often (without pay, mind you), and I rarely have time to just sit down and write. The free time that I get, I spend it either sleeping or reading.
> 
> This chapter is shorter than usual, and I promise the next one will be longer and will feature more Team Bonding and Tony/Steve interactions. I just want to get this out because _Pepper_. I'm afraid I didn't get her character right but I still hope she sounds okay.
> 
> Terribly sorry again for the delay, but I hope you enjoy reading this (albeit short) chapter!
> 
> Thank you for all your lovely comments — I promise to reply to you all tomorrow!

“Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“You were out of the country. I didn’t w—”

“Don’t bullshit me, Tony. My being out of the country hasn’t stopped you before from reaching out to me before.”

“Pepper, c’mon. Please don’t — I just… I didn’t want to burden you.”

A deep sigh.

“You may be a huge pain in the ass, and yes, you may have the tendency to be high maintenance and a bit overbearing. But Tony, you can never be a burden to me. You’re my best friend. Do you think I would still be here if you were?”

It’s Tony’s turn to sigh. Not knowing what else to say, he shakes his head and shrugs as he looks away from Pepper’s gaze.

“Well, you _are_ getting compensated handsomely for dealing with my overbearing butt, though, right?”

His eyes are downcast, staring aimlessly at the plush carpeted floor of his penthouse suite, so he doesn’t see the genuine look of shock that crosses over Pepper’s face at that statement.

“Tony, what are you talking about?” she asks, sounding a bit alarmed.

This time, when Tony looks up at her and their eyes meet, he doesn’t bother to hide his confusion when he registers the forlorn expression on his friend’s face.

“Hey now,” he says comfortingly as he takes a tentative step towards Pepper, who’s now looking at him as if he’s grown an extra four heads. “Don’t look like that, like I — like I kicked your puppy. Pep, c’mon, please.”

“Tony,” Pepper interjects with another deep sigh, and Tony winces at that familiar tone that could only mean an upcoming verbal lashing if he doesn’t give her a proper answer soon. “I’ve literally just arrived from a fifteen-hour flight from Dubai. I had to hear from Bruce and Steve of what happened to you _three weeks ago_. I was still here that time, Tony. I could’ve been alerted by JARVIS, but apparently you revoked that protocol, for some reason your AI can’t even tell me. Now please, Tony, please give me an honest answer. What happened and why did it take _three weeks_ for me to be informed that you were injured in the field?”

The feeling of despair wells up inside of Tony as Pepper continues to look at him, her beautiful face torn between an expression of deep concern and betrayal. Concern for his well-being and betrayal for, well, for hiding _this_ from her. In the past decade they’ve known each other, Tony’s never shied away from the strong-willed woman. He’s never kept her out of his life, even after he became a part of The Avengers, and especially after they’ve broken up. So Tony knows he’s deeply hurt the woman he once loved by keeping this from her. By distancing himself from her, no matter how unintentional it was.

It’s been three weeks since the incident, and Tony thought that his condition would improve with time, but it only appears to worsen as time passes by. He still frequently gets those terrible chills. It started as once a week, then twice a week, and now, approaching the fourth week, Tony’s been experiencing it three nights in a row now. Every time it does happen, he finds himself in The In-Between with Jarvis. And every morning he wakes up from visiting — is that even the correct term? — that place, he barely remembers what they talked about. Like the remnants of a dream, it fades away until Tony’s left with nothing but the same empty feeling in his chest. Yes, the chills are gone, but it’s with bitterness that the engineer thinks it’ll only return again.

Tony hasn’t told the others yet, even Steve who’s comforted him that night he made Tony hot cocoa. He knows the super soldier wants to ask Tony about that, and he doesn’t doubt that Steve’s told the others as well. Sheesh, it’s obvious that he has because the rest of his teammates recently had the tendency to hover around Tony. Not that Tony doesn’t appreciate the gesture — he does, especially that they’ve taken to keeping him company every time he’s in the common area. And honestly, Tony’s touched that they’re going out of their way to befriending him. But he can’t help but be saddened by the fact that it had to take Tony being hit with an alien weapon for them to treat him with kindness and respect. To treat him like he _mattered_ , that he wasn’t just someone to give them shelter and make them weapons, and even buy whatever they fancied.

That he, Tony, was worth getting to know as a person, as a friend.

Despite feeling almost — happy — about the development of his relationship with each of the members of the team, Tony can’t help but think that if — _when_ — he gets cured from whatever’s happening to him, that there’s a great chance he’ll also end up losing them. Because like it or not, Tony has more experience with people walking out of his life than staying in it.

“Tony?”

Tony was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize he was quiet for too long, causing Pepper’s already concerned expression to deepen, the beautiful woman’s face scrunching up further. When he feels a gentle hand settle on his shoulder, Tony jerks slightly and looks up. Though startled at the contact, he finds himself leaning into Pepper’s touch, welcoming the familiar touch with a small sigh.

It takes him a few tries to swallow past the lump forming in his throat to croak out a reply. “I just — I didn’t think it was that important.”

Pepper’s bright blue eyes widen in shock at those words before they narrow, clearly not satisfied and a little suspicious at Tony’s half-hearted response. He sees her open her mouth to retaliate, but something makes her pause, instead opting to scrutinize Tony from head to toe. Tony, on the other hand, does his best not to fidget on the spot, but judging by the way he’s tapping his fingers against his thighs, and the way Pepper tracks his movements with a keen gaze, he knows he’s failed spectacularly.

Finally, after what feels like hours of a little bit of awkward silence, but was only in fact a minute and a half, Pepper’s eyes return to Tony’s, and the look the CEO gives the engineer is one he’s only seen a handful of times in the time they’ve known each other. There’s a small pinch between Pepper’s brows, lips pursed into a thin line as she stares at Tony with glistening eyes.

“Okay,” she says, sounding choked. Before Tony can speak, she quickly adds, “I won’t ask you anymore, because it’s clear to see that you’re not ready to talk about it. But, but you… whatever this is — whatever happened to you… there’s more to it. Isn’t there?”

Tony nods mutely, and he blinks back the stinging in his eyes because _thank God for Virginia Potts_. Aside from Rhodey, Jarvis the butler and Jarvis the AI, he’s thankful that he has another person in his life who knows him well enough to read between the lines.

Pepper nods her head in understanding, and there’s a profound sadness in her eyes as she continues. “I— I can see it. And I won’t ask, or even demand you to give me answers. But you know I’m here for you, Tony. Right? And I’m willing to listen whenever you’re ready to talk. Okay?”

“Yeah, I know,” Tony answers quietly. This time, he doesn’t hesitate to draw Pepper closer and wrap his arms around her slim frame. As Pepper hugs him back just as tightly, Tony mumbles, “I’m sorry for worrying you.”  
Pepper sniffles against the curve of his neck, and Tony is filled with guilt for keeping one of his best friends in the dark. God forbid Rhodey finds out, and knowing Pepper, Tony knows he’ll be hearing from the Colonel sooner than later.

Well, he’ll cross that bridge when he gets there.

“I understand. Just don’t do it again.”

“… No promises there, Pep.”

Pepper snorts, and Tony’s lips twitch in amusement.

“I love you, Tony.”

Tony’s eyes well up, and this time he doesn’t bother fighting them back as he allows the tears to fall. His heart twinges at the sweet words uttered affectionately to him, and he feels an uncanny sense of relief settle deep in his bones.

“I love you, too, Pep.”

* * *

Steve, Natasha, and Bruce are watching the news in the common area when the super soldier hears the elevator doors open, followed by the familiar _click-clack_ of heels that could only belong to one Pepper Potts. Natasha, who also hears the approaching footsteps, lowers the volume of the television as they turn their heads to acknowledge the CEO of Stark Industries.

“How did it go?” Natasha asks.

Pepper sighs and then says, “Not as bad as I expected, but not as good as I thought, either.”

There’s something peculiar in her expression that Steve catches sight of, but is unable to put a finger on what it is. He watches Pepper as she breathes out a long sigh. She closes her eyes and massages the bridge of her nose with a thumb and forefinger before lifting her head to look at them again.

She looks exhausted and distraught, Steve observes, feeling sympathy for the woman who’s quite literally running the whole company and doing so with efficiency and style in deadly six-inched heels.

“What is it?” asks Steve, apprehension evident in his tone.

Natasha, the super spy that she is, peers at Pepper with a calculating look.

“You’ve discovered something,” she states simply. When Pepper looks at her, and then nods after a beat, the redhead adds, “The way this Tony is behaving is familiar to you, then.”

Pepper hesitates for half a second before she nods. “I believe you’re all aware of what happened after Afghanistan? And the fight that happened between Iron Man and the Iron Monger?” Steve nods his head with a cautious expression, Natasha and Bruce doing the same. In a grave tone, Pepper carefully discloses, “After Tony revealed himself to the world as Iron Man, he locked himself up in his Malibu mansion for two months. Obadiah Stane, who was Iron Monger — he became a father figure to Tony after the death of his parents. Tony didn’t take Stane’s deception and betrayal well, and he… he didn’t cope too well in the aftermath.”  
Steve’s throat is dry and tight, and he has the feeling that he won’t like what he’ll hear next. But God, he needs to know. He needs to understand. They all do.

Pepper continues. “Tony turned into himself, became self-destructive. He didn’t eat, he didn’t sleep. He drank himself into a stupor and stayed at his workshop most of the time. Whenever I checked up on him, he was either drunk or hungover. The few times I managed to gain access to his mansion and coax him out of his workshop, he looked like he did when I saw him earlier. Lost and miserable. Detached, in the sort of way that one is overwhelmed with their emotions that it reached the point that everything’s just numb. But despite all that, he was still getting work done, because at the end of the day, we still have a business to run.”

“Why,” Bruce starts, and he has to clear his throat twice before he continues. “Why are you telling us this, Pepper?”

 _Why are you sharing something so private?_ goes unsaid, but Pepper’s smart enough to read between the lines.

She smiles sadly at them, and something twists deep in Steve upon seeing that.

“Because despite your opinions about Tony and Iron Man, he’s going to need all the support he can get from you. And frankly, I don’t think any of you understand just how much Tony needs you, _all of you_ , right now.”

“We’re doing our best to help accommodate Tony and his needs,” Steve answers earnestly. “Pepper, please believe me when I say that we all have his best interests at heart. We want the old Tony back just as much as you do.”

This time, Pepper’s smile turns brittle as she directs her attention to the super soldier.

“I have to disagree with you on that last bit, Captain. The way you, and the others, have treated him the past year and a half prior to his accident say otherwise.”

Try as he might, Steve is unable to hide his flinch at Pepper’s blunt words. Shame and guilt twists in his gut, and he knows he deserves to be called out on his behavior from before. After all, he’s just as liable as the others. From the corner of his eye, he can see Bruce shifting from foot to foot with a chagrined expression, while Natasha averts her eyes from them, remorse evident in the assassin’s eyes.

Eventually, Steve clears his throat and speaks in a quiet voice. “I speak for myself when I say that these past few weeks, I’ve come to know Tony better. And though I already cared about him as a teammate, I’ve also grown to care about him as a friend. Tony is — he’s a brilliant man — and even better, he’s a _good_ man. And I’m sorry that it’s taken an accident for me — for _us_ , really — to see the real Tony Stark underneath all the layers of defenses he’s put up. I can only hope that it’s not too late.”

“I hope that, too,” Pepper agrees. After a beat, she adds, “I know it hasn’t been easy, but thank you for looking after him.”

It’s Natasha who answers, much to Steve’s surprise. “He’s not a walk in the park, but we’re all working together to make it work, Pepper. I know it’s hard to believe right now, and honestly I’m partly to blame for this because of my initial review of him all those years ago for The Avengers Initiative, but I do care about Tony. We all do.”

Bruce adds, “Thank you for trusting us enough to.”

This time, when Pepper smiles, it’s small but genuine. “Don’t thank me for that, Bruce. Tony trusts all of you. Did you really think he’d still here, comfortable and open around you guys if he didn’t?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, this is seven months late.
> 
> I'm incredibly sorry that it's taken me this long to update, but real life has kept me away from this site. It's only this week that I got to reading fanfics again, actually, and I didn't know how much I missed it until I re-read my favorite Stony fic. Add to that, Avengers: Endgame is showing soon and the trepidation I feel in my gut grows constant the nearer the release date approaches.
> 
> I know this chapter doesn't make up for the long hiatus, but I hope it was worth the wait. Unbeta'd, and all mistakes made are mine and mine alone. Thank you so much for your support and enthusiasm. It means a lot to me.
> 
> Enjoy!

Unsurprisingly, Rhodey is made aware of Tony’s predicament a day after Pepper’s visit, and the colonel’s frustrated shouting is incredibly telling, if the ongoing video call is anything to go by.

“Honestly! One text, s’all I’m saying. One text to let me know of what happened, to let me know you were alright. But did you? Did you? No, you didn’t. And it’s so ironic ‘cos if it were something silly that DUM-E did, you’d have sent me video footage and a bazillion texts. But it seems that this wasn’t important enough ‘cos I had to hear it from Pepper, who heard it from _Rogers_ , of all people, that you got hurt! I mean, seriously, Tones! What were you thinking?”

Tony, who’s sitting on the plush couch of his penthouse and bundled up in thick layers of clothing and a woolen blanket, could do nothing except stare at Rhodey with a deer-in-the-headlights expression. The longer he didn’t respond, the deeper Rhodey’s frown gets, and Tony dislikes the guilt that simmers at the pit of his stomach upon realizing that he’s disappointed another important person in his life.

So swallowing past the tightness in his throat, Tony manages to croak out, “I’m sorry.”

He would’ve said more, but the chills are getting worse and he needs to find a way to cut this conversation short, no matter how much he wants to continue chatting with his best friend.

Rhodey, on the other hand, blinks at Tony from the 85-inch TV screen installed in the living room. In fact, the colonel blinks again and stares harder at Tony, who does his best not to squirm too much under the military man’s scrutinizing gaze. It takes a few more seconds before Rhodey’s expression clears to one of mild alarm.

Tony blinks when he hears Rhodey curse and say, mostly to himself, “Shit, I should’ve seen it sooner.”

Seen what, exactly? That can’t be good, can it?

Crap, he needs to end this chat _now_.

“Rhodey, Rhodey,” Tony calls out weakly. He waits until Rhodey’s concerned eyes meets his to say, “Sorry, buddy, but uh, I gotta go. Need to go to the bathroom. Uh, I think there was something in the tortilla dip that Clint made.”

“What? Tony, no, wait —”

“Yeah, uh, it was great chatting with you, platypus. But I gotta go do number two. Heh, you know how it is.”

“Now hang on, Tones, you never had a problem chatting with me while you were —”

“Let me know when you want to chat again, okay? Okay, cool. Take care, text me, love you!”

“Love you, too, Tones, but —”

Tony makes a cutting motion towards the nearest camera and he lets out a sigh of relief when JARVIS disconnects the call. Too exhausted to stand up and make the short walk to his bedroom, Tony makes himself comfortable, head resting on a cushion at the arm of the couch. He adjusts his position a few times, ensuring the woolen blanket is wrapped snugly around his body before he closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh.

“Wake me up in four hours, J,” he says.

“Initiating TIB-A Protocol,” JARVIS answers serenely, but there’s no mistaking the tinge of concern in the AI’s tone. “Sleep well, sir.”

But Tony’s already succumbed to a fitful sleep to hear his AI’s words.

* * *

“Are we there yet?”

“Not yet, I’m afraid.”

“ _Fuck_. We’ve been walking for ages, J! This is like, the ninth time I’m visiting here. How long is this gonna take?”

“We are getting closer, sir.”

“Yeah, okay. But how closer?”

“Another six miles, give or take.”

“Another six— _what_? How can you even— okay, you know what? Never mind. Let’s change the topic.”

“I wasn’t aware we had a specific topic of discussion to begin with, sir. But do carry on.”

“I — what — you…”

“Spluttering like a gold fish is very unbecoming of you, Anthony.”

“Hey! That was uncalled for, Jarv. And besides, you started it! You haven’t given me a straight answer ever since, and it’s not like I’m going to remember this whole conversation anyway once I wake up. I never do, and it’s honestly getting on my nerves. I’m sorry, really I am. And as much as I’ve missed you all these years, I know it when someone’s deliberately withholding _important information_ from me.”

“…”

“… Wow. Really? Silence is your answer? Unbe- _fucking_ -lievable. Yeah, you know what? I don’t think you're Jarvis at all. Besides, this is all in my head, right? I’m probably making this all up ‘cos I’m all on my own in this shit hole —”

“Sir, I’ve told you before that it is me,” Jarvis interrupts Tony mid-rant, the taller man raising an eyebrow at the engineer when he scoffs. “And as I told you earlier, of course it’s happening in your head. But why should that mean —”

“— ‘that it isn’t real?’ I know that!” Tony interjects hotly. He stops in his tracks and points an accusing finger at the other man as he adds, “Also, I know for a fact that it was Albus Dumbledore from _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ who said that. The last book in the series that was released in _2007_! You were long past _dead_ by that time! It’s just too coincidental for you to say these words to me when I’m stuck in my own head, not knowing if I’m just having a conversation with myself or my subconscious or… or — ah, fuck it, I don’t know. And I _hate_ not knowing!”

“That, I assure you, am perfectly aware of,” answers Jarvis after a long period of silence has passed. Well, long enough for Tony to calm down enough from his tirade, the genius engineer looking at the face of the man who once loved and cared for him like his own with a mixture of uncertainty and sorrow.

“I just,” Tony starts with a huff. He exhales a puff of breath and breaks eye contact with Jarvis to start walking again, and it only takes a few steps for the latter match his pace. “This whole situation is just freaking me out, okay? I’m sorry for snapping at you, J, but I just…”

“It is perfectly fine, Tony, there is no need to apologize,” Jarvis says gently. To prove his point, the Brit lifts a hand to squeeze Tony’s shoulder as if in reassurance, completely missing the way Tony stiffens slightly under his grip. “After all, I’m here to help you reach your destination, and where we are headed will answer all your burgeoning questions.”

In a too calm voice that even Tony thinks sounds suspicious, he replies, “Yeah? And what’s gonna happen after I get all my answers, J? What’s the endgame?”

Jarvis glances at Tony from the corner of his eye, an impish smile gracing his face as he answers, “I’m not omniscient, sir, but I’m certain whatever is meant to happen will happen.”

 _Right. Not creepy at all,_ Tony thinks, trying hard not to shudder at the feel of what he thinks is the reptilian flesh of Jarvis’s hand still settled heavily on his shoulder as if in warning.

From what, Tony will most likely know soon.

* * *

“Captain, your assistance is required.”

Steve grunts upon hearing the AI’s voice, his focus deep on the sketch he’s been doing for the past forty minutes of his old neighborhood in Brooklyn. Though he’s been adjusting really well to the 21st century, the super soldier still has those days when he feels the memories of his past life creep up on him like tendrils of smoke — long enough to see it but fades away almost instantly. A glimpse of him and Bucky getting drunk on cheap liquor at the nearest bar. The Howling Commandos laughing at something incredibly lewd but funny Dugan’s said. Peggy and her ruby red lips brushing against Steve’s in desperation — a reassurance, a promise, a goodbye.

“Captain?”

Jerking in surprise, Steve blinks and lets out a shaky breath before he runs a hand through his hair, cursing when he realizes that he used the hand that was smudged with charcoal.

“Shit, uh — sorry, JARVIS,” Steve says apologetically. He shakes his head and adds, “Sorry, uh — did you say something?”

“Your assistance is required, Captain,” the AI repeats.

Upon hearing those words, alarm bells start to sound in Steve’s head.

He straightens up from his slumped position on his bed as he replies, “What is it? Is it Tony? Is he okay? What happened?”

“Sir is currently asleep in the living room of his suite,” JARVIS explains as Steve sets his sketchbook aside and gets up from bed to wash his smudged hands. “However, he’s fallen from the couch from tossing and turning. Further scanning indicates that he’s experiencing a nightmare, although his body temperature is also worrisome.”

Steve’s frowning as he tosses the towel in the laundry basket before quickly grabbing his phone and leaving his room.

“Why's that, JARVIS? Is it lower than the last diagnosis Bruce did?”

There’s a pause before the AI responds. “Yes, Captain. His vitals show that it’s 1.5 degrees lower than the last scan Dr. Banner did.”

Steve curses under his breath before he addresses the AI once more. “Alright. JARVIS, will you please alert Bruce of Tony’s situation? Tell him I’ll meet him in Tony’s penthouse.”

Another pause. “Dr. Banner has been informed and will meet you in three minutes, Captain.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank _you_ as well, Captain.”

Steve casts a glance at the ceiling — he’s never gonna break that habit, no matter how much Clint teases him — with a small smile before he enters the elevator, the doors closing almost at once.

“Hey, JARVIS? Call me Steve.”

“Very well, Steve.”

* * *

The moment Steve lays eyes on Tony’s figure on the plush carpeted floor, his heart lurches with an emotion he can’t put a name to yet. He quickly makes his way to the sleeping engineer, who’s shivering like a leaf in a storm, before gingerly picking him up and carrying him bridal-style towards his bedroom. After carefully depositing Tony on top of the expensive king-sized bed, Steve disentangles the woolen blanket wrapped tightly around Tony’s legs before he pulling the thick comforter over his shivering body.

“JARVIS, how long has Tony been asleep?”

“Sir has been asleep for two hours and forty-five minutes.”

“Not too long, then,” Steve mutters to himself.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Steve lightly brushes his fingers over Tony’s forehead, pushing his fringe back as he caresses the warm skin. It’s odd that JARVIS says Tony’s body temperature is abnormally lower than a normal human being’s when he can feel the heat that Tony’s radiating, sweat starting to break out on the man’s upper lip. With a sigh, he goes to the en suite to retrieve a towel to wipe the sweat off.

“Oh, Tony,” Steve utters quietly as he swipes the towel across Tony’s neck. Tony, as if he heard the super soldier, whimpers pitifully and leans on Steve’s other hand that’s still softly stroking the engineer’s hair. Steve’s chest tightens on the unconscious gesture, and before he can think twice, he leans over Tony’s face to kiss the man’s brow. “It’s okay, Tony. I’m here. We’re all here. You’re going to be okay.”

In response, Tony whimpers again as his body continues to tremble under Steve’s hands, even though the intensity of his shivering has decreased. Helpless, Steve swallows his frustration at being unable to do anything else, so he presses another kiss on Tony’s forehead and continues to run his hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

Another minute passes before Bruce shows up in the bedroom carrying a bag of supplies with him. Steve tries not to blush too hard at the raised eyebrow the good doctor gives him, and he stays where he is and doesn’t cease his ministrations on Tony’s hair. Which, now that he’s thinking, only seems to fuel Bruce’s amusement and confusion. But thankfully he doesn’t say anything, considering they have more pressing matters to attend to.

“JARVIS informed me that his temperature’s lower compared to the last scan we did,” Bruce begins as he takes out a few medical supplies from his bag.

“Yeah, he did,” he agrees as he eyes the syringe with mild concern. “Uh, Bruce, what are you doing? What’s the needle for?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m going to take another blood sample,” Bruce replies as he gingerly takes hold of Tony’s left arm. He swabs a cotton over Tony’s forearm before taking hold of the syringe and carefully extracting blood. It takes less than a minute, Steve silently observing his friend withdraw the needle then swab another cotton to wipe off the excess blood and applying a bandaid over it.

For the next several minutes, Steve remains quiet but vigilant as Bruce carries on with checking over Tony. He scrutinizes the arc reactor while asking JARVIS questions that Steve knows is full of science jargon. Bruce also uses a pen light to examine Tony’s eyes and the insides of his mouth, much to Steve’s bafflement.

“You’re taking his pulse?” Steve asks after a while, unable to keep quiet any longer.

Bruce doesn’t respond, counting under his breath as he keeps one eye on his watch as he takes Tony’s pulse. A minute passes, and when Steve sees Bruce start to frown, he feels his stomach swoop uncomfortably.

“Bruce? What is it?” the super soldier asks in a hushed tone.

Blinking a few times, it takes the scientist half a minute to answer.

“This is very unusual,” Bruce begins, brows furrowed in deep thought. Upon seeing Steve’s conflicted expression, he elaborates. “A normal person’s heart rate during sleep is between 40-50bpm. Tony’s heart rate, on the other hand, is at 105bpm.”

Steve gulps. That can’t be good.

Addressing the AI, Bruce continues, “JARVIS, does this often happen to Tony when he’s in this state?”

“Sir only experiences tachycardia when he sleeps this fitfully, Dr. Banner,” JARVIS replies after a slight pause. “Reviewing previous scans from the past three weeks since sir’s accident, data indicates that when he’s not going through this episode, his heart rate is that of a normal human being’s.”

Frowning, Bruce bites his lower lip before he says, “And what of his brain, JARVIS? Any anomalies?”

It takes several moments before they get an answer.

“I’m afraid there are, Dr. Banner,” JARVIS replies, and Steve blinks because it shouldn’t be possible for an AI to sound so… solemn.

But then he takes one look at Bruce’s face, and in that moment Steve feels a shift in the air.

He doesn’t want to put a name to it, not yet. He’s far from superstitious, but even Steve doesn’t want to jinx it. But he’s fought enough battles with his team to know when he’s witnessed a game changer.

“Collate all the data you have on Tony’s brain and send it to me,” Bruce pronounces, his movements a little jerky as he quickly puts all the medical supplies back in his bag. He shoves his glasses up his nose as he continues, “Oh, and can you create a graph or chart listing the important points of his brain’s activity? It’s possible that there’s a correlation to these shivering episodes Tony’s experiencing versus the normal ones. I just, the whole picture’s not there yet but oh man, JARVIS, if we can map it out from the beginning and work our way backwards then we’ll finally be able to have the answers we’re —”

“Right away, Doctor Banner,” JARVIS answers, and there’s no denying the thrill in the AI’s voice this time.

“Bruce, what — wait, Bruce!” Steve calls out after the retreating scientist, baffled at the nervous excitement he’s just witnessed his teammate exude.

A split second later, Bruce hurries back to the bedroom. Steve tries not to startle at the manic glint in the man’s eye.

“Sorry, sorry,” Bruce says hastily, and Steve finds himself barely keeping up with the scientist’s rambling. “I think we just made a breakthrough, Steve. Well, not yet, but soon we will. The answer’s _right there_ , I just need to figure it all out. The sooner JARVIS and I start, the sooner I can give us all answers.”

“Alright. Okay,” Steve says with a blink. “Alright, er — good luck.”

Bruce grins at him and offers a hasty ‘thanks’ before he hurries out of the suite.

It takes Steve longer than expected to process what just happened in the last five minutes before he releases a shaky breath. One look at Tony’s sleeping figure and the super soldier unconsciously finds himself drawn towards the man, picking up his ministrations from earlier.

Knowing that Bruce is currently holed up in his lab with the assistance of JARVIS, in the process of getting to the bottom of Tony’s predicament, gives Steve hope that they’re a step closer to solving the mystery.

If only he could be of more help, he thinks glumly.

Steve feels Tony twitch, and he looks down to see Tony’s face scrunch up in discomfort. Chest tightening in sympathy, Steve makes shushing noises and gently strokes his thumb over the crease between the engineer’s brows. Emboldened, Steve leans down and presses a kiss to Tony’s forehead, all the while maintaining his caressing of the man’s thick, brown curls.

He stays by Tony’s side for another half hour before he forces himself to leave.

* * *

Less than an hour later, Tony wakes up, thanks to the TIB-A Protocol he’s set up with JARVIS.

He’s confused at first as to how he ended up in his bedroom. Shaking off the cobwebs in his head, he distantly remembers soothing hands and soft lips.

Odd but nice. Unexpected but welcomed.

But that’s not what surprises Tony the most.

No, what startles him is the _warmth_ he feels, spreading from the inside out. He’s never felt that before until today. And it isn’t until he’s stripping out of his sweat-soaked clothes that he realizes the phantom pressure in his chest is absent.

It’s the first time in almost a month that Tony can confidently say it’s the most _normal_ he’s felt.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! Reviews are motivation (and love)!


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